The Unemployed Truth

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Remember the darling Holly Golightly?

The real phoney of New York City that took herself to Tiffany’s window display anytime she had a “red day?”

I’ve been having my fair share of red days lately and I’m not really into believing a jewelry store will fix any of it. Maybe if I were there to successfully rob the place and head to Mexico…

Maybe then I’d be more inclined to visit the place.

No sparkling display is going to snap me out of the reality that I’m broke, jobless and in another slew of panic attacked mornings. When you can’t make rent and or cellphone payment your brain becomes a calculator of eternity. No matter what opportunities you uncover that little black cloud follows reminding you of the obvious.

You’re broke and bills are piling up, now what are you doing about it?

Unfortunately sending out over 70 resumes doesn’t quite put my mind at ease. I know I’m supposed to be patient but when you can’t leave your house because the grocery store doesn’t except I.O.U’s it’s a weight I can’t explain.

Although, through it all I won’t give up, because deep down, there is always foresight. There is always this vision that plays out if I just keep going. I’ve read about the persistence, the passion, and the patience it’s taken many other successful people to get to where they stand now.

It’s still fucking hard and anyone that tells you different is sniffing glue.

Being unemployed is a funny activity to take part in everyday, you do some weird shit when you’ve got nothing else to do. I get up usually with the hope that I’ll have a reply to the thousands of jobs I’ve applied to. Once the reality that no one gives a fuck about my ability to curate visuals sets in I then take to my couch.

There a lot of things you do when unemployed.

1. Attempt to make your resume “stand out” against the masses of other unemployed creatives. Maybe put in bold at the top MAGIC MONKEY NUTS to get their attention.

2. Creep the shit out of every company and it’s top employees on LinkedIn. If you’re really good you find them on Facebook with a recent Saturday night photo of them drunkenly pole dancing at the Hideout on Queen street.

Screen shot it and if things get real bad use it as leverage, it’s a dog eat dog world out there.

3. Update your website of any new and obviously pro bono work you’ve done.
I wonder if lawyers ever stage court hearings in their living room with other unemployed lawyers and judges like photographers and Stylist do?

4. Walk over to your fridge for the 100th time to make sure your food hasn’t moved places and that mouldy thing in a Tupperware container is still in fact really gross.

5. Have every job searching platform open on your computer and strongly debate applying to bottle girl jobs at night clubs with names like “TRA$E” or “Liquid night club”. Only because you know you’d make your rent, bills, and a possible vacation in one night of putting up with a sea of douche bags revved on G and Patron.

6. Call your parents and tell them casually that your landlord is coming to shoot out your knee caps so you won’t be joining them for Sunday dinner. Immediately following you check your bank account to see if they fell for your pitiful cry for help.

They didn’t because you’re an “adult” now.

7. While checking your almost empty bank account you see a glimmer of hope in the form of a government deposit of 60 dollars. You then hit the grocery store and wine wrack as you haven’t actually been outside in two days.

8. Go home and tell yourself you won’t open the wine until you send out 10 more resumes.

9. You open the wine and find out that hoarders is now on Netflix and applying to that knitting store can seriously go fuck itself.

You worked hard today, it’s drink to forget time.

To all my unemployed compadres I am with you, we must stand together in these long days of randomness and uncertainties. We must all support each other and regale in stories of weird new hobbies we’ve taken up to have something to talk about with friends.

We are all together on this…

Unless I see you at a job interview, then I’m slipping laxatives into your coffee when you’re not looking.

Dog eat dog world.

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The Couch Divorce

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Today is moving day, it’s where I try and figure out how to maneuver things into doorways, push up stairs, and try and convince my friends that beer and pizza is a reasonable payment…I may have to get something stronger than beer.
It hasn’t hit me yet that I am divorcing my mums couch for my beautiful queen size bed, who, has been on vacation in a storage locker. I get all my treasures, my art, my life back and it’s because I made this happen. I had A LOT of help from my family and friends, ya know, the back bone of my existence is them hands down. I’ve found the positive, creative, loving people in my life and I’m not letting go of them, some of them will have to change my diaper when I’m old.
Oh and my new roommate is my best friend Kate, I guess fate has some bigger plan for the two of us. I remember when we were teenagers, we’d be sitting in whatever apartment I was living at and dream about living together. We’d talk about all the comedy and plays we were going to write, we generally thought we were going to be the next Amy Poehlar and Tina Fay. Now in two short weeks she will be joining me in the apartment, my liver is quivering already, this blog is about to get weirder…
As of tonight ill be completely alone in my space for the first time in awhile, it’s going to be a very surreal moment. I don’t want to rush over this, I really want to capture all my feelings and emotions throughout it all. I feel like this time in my life is shaping me more then life ever has, I can feel things differently and my thoughts are changing tune. I can’t explain the headspace that I’m in right now, it feels like all those academy award winning movie moments. You know the ones, where the perfect song chimes in, the camera pans out, it’s a melodic silence that touches your soul and makes you feel alive.
Today I also get to laugh at my girlfriends trying to pull off the “mover” look, their all tough chicks but that comes out after a few whiskey shots and a 80’s song. All of our personalities mashed together creates a pretty hilarious scene, it’s like watching arrested development on pot brownies. My friend Branko will be the only male, I’m praying to Buddha for him, he has his massive band van that will house all the furniture. He really is the best, whenever I need him he’s there for me, he’s been a constant fuel in my life and we both want the very best for each other.
I’m so grateful for the life I get to live 🙂 I really, truly am.
Time to get this show on the road,

– Casey Jane

Photos above in order:
My favourite restaurant Java, if you need to find me ill be there eating cheap pad Thai and 4 dollar house wine. A prison like bathroom on Toronto island after a PBR and Billy Holiday picnic with my friend Meghan. Women, we are nuts and a strange species but when we wear heels it’s like the mans version of a dog whistle. A single pink cloud that I named Jerry last night, he seemed so alone and perfect set in the sky. And lastly my friend Branko’s band playing at their CD release party last week, they are called Dinosaur Bones and their new album is Shaky Dream, check em out cause they’re gonna be big!
Tunes
Donovan Woods – Put on Cologne
Macklemore and Ryan Lewis – Same
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros – Home
Donovan Woods – Petrolia
Kings of Leon – Back Down South

Happily Terrified

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Last week felt like a month, you know those weeks that have a million things coming at you day after day…well that was my week. I’m not saying it was a bad week, it actually was an amazing one but it was insanely challenging and emotionally exhausting. Since I’ve been back from my road trip life’s had me on a high speed treadmill. I styled a short film, worked at a vintage shop for cash, shot a creative with a new photographer and make up artist, hung out with a dear new friend, and ended the week learning about vinyl, writing, and opening up honestly to people.
Today I am one tired lady and my to do list is sweeping my feet out from under me, I had to write last night for 3 hours before I started to feel my brain slow down. I let go a lot last week, evidently I gained a lot from it. Letting go is one of the hardest things I’ve learned this year but it has been the defining reason I move forward in my life, for myself. I feel like in your twenties you really get to define who you are and what it is you want in life, if your open and aware to life’s lessons.
It blows my mind how aware of myself I am then I was even 8 months ago. Life moves fast and it’s too short to bother with carrying your past with you, except it, love it, and move on so that you have room to experience more.
Somedays I really do feel like a kid that just figured out how to get the cookies off the kitchen counter.
I started writing out all the things I want to accomplish in my little life, I want to make my life bigger then I ever could imagine. If your ever feeling like your future in a big blank I strongly suggest sitting down and writing out all the things you WANT to do, things that only you have dreamed about, things that seem impossible and completely ridiculous, write them all down.
These are some things I wrote out last night.
I want to travel to places I never thought I’d see
I want to have Sailor Parc Co. Mounted on the front of a building
I want to run a Styling firm that is known internationally
I want to be published in Vogue
I want to be able to support my mother and give her a happy free life
I want to own a loft in California
I want to do Styling and Buying for a television series
I want to do wardrobe for feature films
I want to work with the top creatives in my industry
I want to own a car in 2 years
I want to love again
I want to live my life with ease and honesty
I want to have great credit
I want to be successful from doing what I love to do
I want to have 100,000 dollars in my bank account in 2 years
I want to learn how to play the piano
I want to speak French fluently in 4 years
I want to have an apartment in Utrecht, Holland
I want to work in Paris
I want to be a stylist on a band tour
I want to live my life for myself

It felt amazing writing these out, and it was extremely terrifying coming to the decision to post them on this blog. I was talking about this yesterday how I sometimes don’t know if I’m sharing too much on this blog or if it’s all just for a reason bigger then myself. I want this blog to show people that everyone gets scared, fucks up, gets lost, and dreams. I’ve learned that no one else can direct your life, no one else can know you as well as you know yourself, so listen to that inner voice, because guess what…
It’s you, it’s the true you trying to tell you what you really want in life, you just have to listen.

I’m off to take care of a million loads of laundry as I’m
A) not wearing any underwear
B) I’ve been sleeping under a thin sheet because my friend Kate decided to pass out with full face paint at the festival…looks like a clown had sex on my duvet.
C) my white knock off keds are a nuclear hazard, I had to wash my feet on a date in his bathtub…

Happy Tuesday Lovelies

Here are some tunes that make me happy

Ben Howard – Only Love
Gregory Alan Isakov – Salt and the Sea
Adele – I can’t make you love me (Bonnie Ray Cover)
The Oh Hellos – Hello my Heart
John Mayer – Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

Passion Pays

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Being passionate about your life takes time, it takes dedication and a motivation to pick yourself up and say I am going to make this happen. The past year I have been working so hard to make my goals and dreams a reality, I set out wanting more from myself. I remember going to shoots lugging my 100 pound suitcase up staircases and across snowy streets. So many times I drained my bank account to buy clothes for a shoot or a project because I wanted my work to look the best. I sacrificed a lot and lost a lot along the way but I knew deep down that this was the passion struggle that any artist goes through.
I failed a lot, sometimes things wouldn’t work out and I’d have to go back to the drawing board and figure out what I did wrong. Failing is a very humbling thing and I think more people need to embrace it in their work because it just leads you to more opportunities.
I have had A LOT of help and support as well, so many people offered their advice and guidance to me and all I had to do was ask. Even when I didn’t ask people would offer me styling opportunities because they saw that I was passionate and hungry to learn. I’ve worked for free, I’ve worked for exposure, for experience, and above all because I LOVE STYLING.

I want to thank everyone that has helped me reach this point and I’m sorry I’m being a little vague but this is all in the works at the moment and it’s all very fresh. I need to take a step back this week and capture all the learning and plan for the future. Above pictures are from a beauty shoot I did a couple weeks back with my dearest photographer friend Patrick Lacsina and the talented Diana Mejia for hair and makeup. Also a very special lady Kirsten White who has helped me beyond words, you are such a special person and I would do anything for you! One more amazing gal is Marie Eve Tremblay she is a Toronto based Stylist and someone I will be learning a lot from.

Happy Wednesday Lovelies

– Casey Jane