Stranded in the Nevada Desert Drunk Telling Folk Stories

 Adulthood, its a trial and error of vast levels, like being put in a barrel and rolled down a hill. If you don’t vomit you’ll get that promotion you wanted. I’ve been living the life of the weekend warrior playing socialite and party monster while keeping up an important work ethic during the week. I’m learning more then I ever have and its incredibly terrifying. The learning Im going to have to seek is daunting, but the results are what make me smile in the morning on a rainy Monday.

The love life?

I want it to feel like Lord Hurons new album sounds, I want it to blind side me like the bottle of Basil Hayden’s Bourbon did when I bought it last week. I took it home and basked in its romantic tango with the melodies coming from my new itunes purchase.

I’m describing bourbon and music as my compromise to my failing love life…

I’m figuratively stranded in the god damn Nevada desert drunk telling folk stories.

I’m stubborn as fuck, which makes it hard to settle for anything that doesn’t make me have that “short of breath” feeling. Why not wait and kill time cock blocking your guy friends and coming home to sit in front of your oven patiently waiting for your Hawaiian pizza pockets?

There is NOTHING wrong with that, although your guy friends might start to not include you in their outings. Unless you live with one of them and chain smoke at the dinner table on a Tuesday morning while he’s attempting to seal a deal.

She sounded like Swedish Minnie Mouse, who sounds like that?

Femme Bots, thats who.

If anything I saved his life from his dick getting vaporized, I am such a good roommate and friend.

“Self high-five.”

I’m starting to figure out the balance and shift from the fashion world, I like this new world. I like the creative possibilities and the people that are drawn to it. I feel like I made the best decision I’ve ever made for myself and Im fucking terrified of it. I’m insanely excited and inspired but its like walking blind folded into a mine field. I’m trying to man the fuck up as fast as I can, the environment adjustment is the biggest.

Don’t get me wrong, its the best environment I could have asked for, I was meant to be here. There is not one doubt about that, however finding my place in it all has taken some time. I’m an attentive sweet little lady but I’m also a creative nut bag and realizing during the week I have to balance that is a hard shift. I have the work ethic of a Wall Street banker but if I haven’t fully gotten a system down the creative comes out and wants to wander.

I’ll get there, I’m meant to get there.

This past weekend I spent with my roommate Tim spontaneously getting the number 6 and an arrow tattooed on us with his sister Molly. Prior to this I was drinking champagne in Bellwoods while my dearest Meghan shot a bubble gun at me. The weekends are becoming memories I could never buy, the realization we are all growing up. Bigger moments and benchmark events are beginning to happen, huge chapters are being written.

Meghan’s getting married, every time I think about that I get this feeling I’ve never felt before. Its like being to a country you’ve never been before.

One of those moments you actually feel life happening.

It like that moment you have with your parents where you understand they are human, the hero’s are mortal and there is so much understanding and appreciation for that.

The thing we all have to remember is to keep being spontaneous, keep living in the moment when you have one. Make time for them, from the finger tips of a hopeless romantic I beg you to take chances. Realize moments you would normally be distracted by your phone. Remember at the other side of that dating app is a real human being and live a little, its not a game and its ruining our ability to communicate.

I sink myself into a feeling and this summer I truly believe a lot of us are going to shed the vulnerability and enjoy the wonderful lives we all lead.

Why not?

At the end of it all we are all looking for the happiest we can possibly be.

Thanks for reading Lovelies

Xox

Tunes – Also I don’t know if I’ve said this but these songs are a big part of my writing process. I’m also someone who can’t have silence, I drive my friends nuts with always trying to find a plug in for my iphone.

Elvis Presley – Mystery Train  

Lord Huron – Luisa 

Death cab For Cutie – You’ve Haunted Me All My Life

Max Frost – Let Me Down Easy 

Lord Huron – Fool For Love

St Paul and The Broken Bones – It’s Midnight

Kicked Off the Wrong Train and Zak Miller Lullabies

ImageImageImageImage

Fine, fine fine, I’m feeling oh so fine with my life.
Why?
Because Ive been thinking about time and how much time I have. How little time I now spend worrying, stressing out, and chasing things that are not meant to be. When you are aware of your surroundings, when you are making choices with yourself in mind, the rights things come and the wrongs things go. I’ve spent so much time wondering why things don’t work out, why every opportunity seems to fall flat, and why my feet keep going their own way. Its because its not meant to be and the quicker you come to realize this the sooner you can move on to better things. I’m not saying don’t fight for what you believe in, always fight, but know the worth of the fight. You have that choice, to just simply walk away with your goals and place them on a blank canvas again. I’ve had to rebuild my life a few times and I’m only on the verge of 27 years old. It builds a strong sense of being going through so many changes, you come out stronger every time.
I mean it, EVERYTIME.
Or else you my friend are one of those circle people. You are the stubborn, the egomaniac ones that spends their lives doing the same things over and over again. You make the same “safe” choices, you date the same men, and you make the same mistakes. Sound familiar?
Our lives move forward, let it move that way even if its terrifying. I have this feeling that a lot of people in our generation are going to have a rude awakening in the next few years. We do the same actions and expect a different outcome, we stick to the same habits and wonder why we end up in the same place.

You can’t make a pot roast and expect it to come out as a fucking cake.

So take that new route home, go flirt with that coffee guy who “isn’t your type” and stop pulling yourself back into your comfort zones. This advice is brought to you by a lady who has been shoved out of her comfort zone enough times. It usually feels like riding on a train only to be kicked off cause you didn’t have the proper ticket. You knew you didn’t have the right ticket and its a sinking feeling when you get caught. That is how I felt after realizing I had made the wrong choice, I had tried to find a loop hole instead of paying responsibly. If you ignore the signs life gives you, ignore that gut feeling, I’m afraid you will always find yourself getting chucked off moving trains.
The fun part about moving forward is the right things, the fun things, and the meaningful things become clearer. Perfect example of this was last friday when I adventured to the Toronto Island Cafe. From reading my blog you’ll know I went to an art school downtown, and you’ll know I have an incredible circle of talented friends. Zak Miller or Hummus as his nickname was, I can’t remember how that name came to be, maybe we just liked chickpeas a lot. Anyway he play’s in his band called Zakary Miller & The Filthy 5 Brass Band all around Toronto. We got lucky to watch him do his thing in a beautiful garden cafe setting, surrounded by wine and hula hoopers as the sun set slowly. My girls Cat, Meghan, Sarah and I sat around a white picnic table under twinkle lights laughing and enjoying the most lovely music coming from someone who we know and love. Zak even did an ODB rendition of “Baby I Got Your Money” which got everyone singing along. I spent most of the time just taking it all in, seeing how lucky I was and eying the smoking hot bartender that I later realized also went to high school with us. I drunkenly elbowed Sarah and pointed towards the bar but before she could roll her eyes Meghan chimed in loudly proclaiming his name and that we did indeed know him. I sank slowly behind the flower bouquet center piece and avoided eye contact with the younger pretty girls at the next table who had overheard.
What?
Yea I get immediately shy when people find out Im checking them out and then try and act coy by sipping my wine and awkwardly laughing. I find the wine flushes my cheeks more than the embarrassment does, or I just loudly proclaim ” I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM”
The night ended with a lovely last song from Zak and his band, we all gave him a huge hug and gratefully thanked him for such an amazing evening across the lake. That is the beautiful thing about having a school that nurtured us as artists, we never forget that bond we all have. Its been almost 14 years since we all were young artists creating and figuring out who we were and what we could offer. We are still mostly all doing just that, creating and enjoying the art we were trained to do.

Remember my loves everything takes time and you have a whole lot of it. Enjoy getting out of your comfort zones, go see some live music, call an old friend, and take a chance on being out of the ordinary.
A good life takes 3 things in my opinion;
Patience, Passion, and Persistence.

Below are some tracks laid down By Zak and his band so have a listen, follow him on Facebook here and go out and see these lovelies live.

Zakary Miller  – Baby I got Your Money

Zakary Miller – Baby’s A Drink

XOXO

– Casey Jane

Welcome to the Muppet Show

Image

I woke up with my head spinning this morning, mainly because of a hangover but also because its the end of the month. RENT TIME my least favourite day of the month because its a constant reminder that Im not financially sound yet. Its the day where I question what Im doing with my life and if all this struggle is worth a damn. I sit at my window and watch people drive by and I envision their bank statements above their head. I think about if they know what its like to actually not have a penny to their name. I wonder about my friends and if they go through the same thing, the same stress and self doubt that I do. I don’t have family to support me when times are tough, I have my roommate that calms the storms when she can, I have my best friends who take me out when I need to forget, and I have myself to pick up the slack and snap back into the hustle. Thats really all one needs and Im grateful for the people in my life, thats one thing I constantly send out to the universe is thanks for the beautiful people I have around me. 

The last couple days have been weird and wonderful as most days are in the past little while. Kate left me to my own devices over the weekend which wasn’t the best idea as I was reeling from an over creative week and hadn’t dealt with the demons I usually run out. I was my own one woman muppet show flying around the city with friends only to arrive home alone with a box of pizza pockets wishing I wasn’t such a nut bar. I try really hard to have self control but sometimes that little Casey takes the drivers seat and joy rides me into a Las Vegas setting of booze and popularity. I can’t describe the feeling of wanting something so badly to change yet fighting the old habits of my past that keep it from changing  

What is it that I want so badly? 

Normality and stability…I want to work during the week and I want to look at my bank statement and see the rewards of a good job that gives me purpose and confidence. Every one paid styling job I get there are 4 jobs I did for free and its wearing me down to a fine point. I even looked at bar tending jobs the other day and thought about stepping aside from the crazy dream of mine…but I know I won’t give up. I was raised by two people who never let anyone tell them how to live and how to make a living so maybe thats a blessing and a curse. Im trying to pave my own way and its very different that anyone in my family which makes it also very hard to explain to them that I DO work all the time I just don’t get paid for it…yet. I was telling my friend Tyler the other day that I think I have some supernatural patience, waiting for things is something Im very bad and good at. Bad because I get trigger happy and loose my cool only to wind up wishing I had looked before I leaped. Good because my resilience and persistence is that of a lion, I love deeply, I care deeply and I believe in the beauty of life too much to let a little ugliness send me down the wrong path. 

Oh yea and Id like a companion, a nice man to ask me how my day was and cuddle me until we realize we haven’t left my bed in two days. Ive met a really nice one it just seems the universe is keeping us busy with our own lives so I don’t have a firm grasp of what it is yet. Lets not forget my rejection fears and all that other fun stuff that goes on in a lady’s head. Im trying to not think so much, play it cool man, act like your not freaking out on the inside. Im not very good at that and Im also hell bent on not apologizing and not buying into all those “dating” games. Im the type of gal where if I like you then Im going to show you, Im going to act like my weird self because if I don’t then it’ll come as a complete shock to any man of how big of a person I am. I don’t want someone I have to hide away from anymore, I used to and it never ended well for me. Again I try and act all “I don’t need a man, I like being alone” and I do but I really want this time to work. I want to show vulnerability and I want show that the door is open and Im not going to slam it in his face. 

I want to slam my own face in a door right now..

Im scared though…Im scared of a lot of things that people don’t see in me. Im scared that everyone is going to get sick of me and my life. Im scared people are going to stop believing in me and its going to turn into a emotional shit show. Im terrified of failing and having to start all over again. Sometimes I worry that all this sacrificing and chasing is going to leave me alone and successful which isn’t success to me. I worry that Im going to be single forever, and I worry that my career is becoming too much of everything. I worry about my friends thinking Im taking advantage of them because its been 2 years of this and in anyones eyes that should be enough time to figure out how to pay rent and do a job well.

I wish it was…I really really do. 

Its just not that easy when you just have yourself to pick things up again, but thats life and everyone else has their own battles to fight. I can choose to let peoples doubt take ahold of me and change what Im doing. I can choose to allow all the worries and fears shut me up and just make money and live. I won’t though, not after all the work Ive done and not after all the other people Ive had to walk away from because they couldn’t handle it or didn’t want to. What I can say is that when I see someone struggle, when I see a friend having a hard time I relate instantly. I try everything to lift them up or make their day a little easier because Ive been there too many times and had a lot of people make it their mission to kick me when Im down. I know the feelings so well I almost take on their stress as my own, it still amazes me that people are still so careless with other peoples feelings. It just takes a second to remember a time when you were like them and take actions to help wherever you can. 

Im going to attempt to slow my brain down and see if I can turn this day into a successful one rather then a string of anxiety attacks and self loathing. 

 

– Casey Jane aka Paper Bag Princess 

St Lucia – All Eyes on You
Seoul – Stay With Us

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda Dance

20131227-140325.jpg

20131227-140421.jpg

20131227-140507.jpg

20131227-160502.jpg

20131227-160517.jpg

Right now I’m sitting in my empty apartment, in my bed writing for the first time in two weeks…life’s been a bit unbalanced lately and I’m making a valiant effort to change this. The last two weeks I’ve been working everyday on either my styling career, my sewing, or my not so part time job dressing women in local designers. I’ve had to step it up to make up for a slow two months however like my life seems to go, it didn’t just rain, it poured. I got hired to style a Down With Webster music video that had me in the back of a cube van in minus 8 degrees weather. Luckily I had an amazing crew and everyone eventually got to seek refuge in a church where we set up base for the rest of the shooting. It felt so good to be back on set and shortly after that I assisted another four harlequin novel shoots the following week. There were some mornings where I had to double check which job I was going to that day and some had three jobs in a 14 hour run…I drank far too much red wine and smoked too many cigarettes at midnight than I want to admit during those weeks.
On my down time I sit at home and sew wondering where my social life went, I have become a workaholic with the constant feeling I’m not going very far. I feel like I’m stretching myself too thin and even though I’m busy I’m not actually feeling myself moving forward in the direction that I want. The funny thing is that I know I’m changing a lot lately internally, I’m starting to actually stand by the things I believe in, I’m acting on the feelings I feel and I’m walking away from things that don’t make me feel good. I still feel a little like I’m testing out a new hardware inside my head and I surprise myself with my new thinking pattern. I really like having my alone time, I think I really need that time to check in with myself, to make sure I’m doing what I want to do and being who I want to be. I really depend on myself these days and its an amazing thing, I don’t crave someone to look after me and I don’t expect it. It sounds cheesy but if I got into a relationship any time soon all I would want would be to be wanted and not needed. That’s realistically what I’ve been looking for, someone who really just wants a companion in their life not someone to look after. I’ve learned from my past that in order to find the right person and be ready for them you have to know yourself and be happy with being who you are. Having ambition I think really helps with moving a relationship forward, another thing I learned is that if you don’t move forward in your own life that connection with someone won’t move either. You have to be honest, you have to be willing to put yourself out there and risk that terrifying thought of it not working out because it just might work, life’s funny like that. Everyone is scared, everyone has a little baggage but being able to let that go and really get to know a person is a pretty lovely thing. It’s something I spent months avoiding and it only left me feeling empty and more lonely. I always thought telling someone how you felt even if it was just a little hint of something was best expressed in subtle mind games and flirtatious encounters when realistically it’s easier just to tell them, ya know that whole truth thing. It’s easier just to say it and I know some of you are swallowing hard at the thought of this but coming from experience its not that bad. Sure I felt sick to my stomach for a short time, I smoked three cigarettes in a row before hand, I felt like the biggest dork on the face of the planet…but I was a honest dork and I’m fine with that. Things move so fast in life that sometimes you miss your chance, it turns into a regret and you’re stuck with this little piece of you that asks “what if”?
These are just a few things that have been on my mind lately. I’ve been going over things that I want in my life for 2014 and its really making me shift my actions and where I want to put my time and effort. Maybe even who I want to be with, I mean I can’t really choose, nobody can and that’s the magic of two people coming together. It’s that effortless dance that you do with someone that doesn’t seemed pushed, doesn’t seem overwhelming, just a lovely natural comfort in each others company. That to me is worth the work I do on myself, to comfortably be able to allow that dance to happen and I think I’m starting to warm up to the idea. But again I’m a hopeless romantic and ill keep spending my days building my own castle until time thinks I’m ready to have a guest over. The nice thing is that lately I’ve been feeling more open than I have in years, I’m feeling like taking more chances with the way I feel and not pushing them down and calling them silly. I’m already a pretty silly woman, I can never seem to control what comes out of my mouth sometimes, I’m very impulsive however I have this idea that those impulsive actions lead to good things…most of the time. I’m not second guessing myself anymore and I know if I feel something it either needs to be said or expressed regardless of the outcome because at least then I know I was a complete moron or I was hitting the nail on the head.
Things at the apartment have been as crazy as they’ve ever been with lots of lady night wine shit shows, a collective of Kate moments which include finding her passed out in her coat at a bar, her spilling wine on my bed more times then I bothered to count and many “surprise” farts which I still think are strategically planned. We have our dearest pal Branko staying with us again which has been awesome since he’s been on the road for the past month with his band Dinosaur Bones and Brendan Canning. I don’t how he goes from living on the road that long to having to come back to “real” life and get back to all the other things he does around town. He’s such a positive friend to have around and I think this time in our lives everybody needs a little help from their friends. I love that I will look back on this time and smile knowing I had the most creative, hilarious, loving friends around me that helped me gain the energy I needed to do what I love and make my life meaningful. That’s really what we are all searching for, something meaningful, maybe go as far as everything meaningful. Have that home that makes you want to go home to, have those friends that make you want to always call on, have that companion you never get tired of loving more, and have that career you built for yourself out of passion and purpose. That’s life for me, that’s the dream and I am closer to it than I ever have been. I might have a ways to go but I can see it unfolding even in the craziness of making mistakes it’s all adding up to a very amazing sum.
I don’t know about any of you but I’m so excited for 2014, it’s the launch pad year for all of us that have gone through so much change in the last couple years. I can finally close the door on a lot of things and use the skills, contacts, and experience I worked so hard to get to make my life exactly the way I want it. It’s all possible, and yes in about 5 days ill come back on here and write about how fucking hard this all is and that I’m spending the next week on my couch eating pad Thai and proclaiming I’m going to be single forever. Lets not forget that I am a woman and therefore insane and furthermore a constant roller coaster of accomplishments and onset heart palpitations in social situations and domestic responsibilities. No more should have done thats, fuck off to could haves and would do’s, it’s all pointless phrases that only hold us back from being who we want to be. This year I want to be even more fearless, I want to be smarter with my time and build on things that really matter, kick the other shit to the curb. It’s time to become a semi adult making creatively responsible decisions and I say semi adult because let’s get real I still play dress up at least once a week and I smoke pot in order to clean my house…the whole adult thing is still pending.

Well Ill leave you with this quote my mentor said to me about a year ago…

Do the things you always dreamed you could do because everything in this life started as just a dream.

Happy Friday Lovelies

– Casey Jane

Tunes

The Damnwells – I will keep the bad things from you
Andrew Bird – Three White Horses
Foals – Stepson
Tim Noyes – Saturday
Wake Owl – Wild Country

The Couch Divorce

20130815-080011.jpg

20130815-080024.jpg

20130815-080033.jpg

20130815-080052.jpg

20130815-080103.jpg

Today is moving day, it’s where I try and figure out how to maneuver things into doorways, push up stairs, and try and convince my friends that beer and pizza is a reasonable payment…I may have to get something stronger than beer.
It hasn’t hit me yet that I am divorcing my mums couch for my beautiful queen size bed, who, has been on vacation in a storage locker. I get all my treasures, my art, my life back and it’s because I made this happen. I had A LOT of help from my family and friends, ya know, the back bone of my existence is them hands down. I’ve found the positive, creative, loving people in my life and I’m not letting go of them, some of them will have to change my diaper when I’m old.
Oh and my new roommate is my best friend Kate, I guess fate has some bigger plan for the two of us. I remember when we were teenagers, we’d be sitting in whatever apartment I was living at and dream about living together. We’d talk about all the comedy and plays we were going to write, we generally thought we were going to be the next Amy Poehlar and Tina Fay. Now in two short weeks she will be joining me in the apartment, my liver is quivering already, this blog is about to get weirder…
As of tonight ill be completely alone in my space for the first time in awhile, it’s going to be a very surreal moment. I don’t want to rush over this, I really want to capture all my feelings and emotions throughout it all. I feel like this time in my life is shaping me more then life ever has, I can feel things differently and my thoughts are changing tune. I can’t explain the headspace that I’m in right now, it feels like all those academy award winning movie moments. You know the ones, where the perfect song chimes in, the camera pans out, it’s a melodic silence that touches your soul and makes you feel alive.
Today I also get to laugh at my girlfriends trying to pull off the “mover” look, their all tough chicks but that comes out after a few whiskey shots and a 80’s song. All of our personalities mashed together creates a pretty hilarious scene, it’s like watching arrested development on pot brownies. My friend Branko will be the only male, I’m praying to Buddha for him, he has his massive band van that will house all the furniture. He really is the best, whenever I need him he’s there for me, he’s been a constant fuel in my life and we both want the very best for each other.
I’m so grateful for the life I get to live 🙂 I really, truly am.
Time to get this show on the road,

– Casey Jane

Photos above in order:
My favourite restaurant Java, if you need to find me ill be there eating cheap pad Thai and 4 dollar house wine. A prison like bathroom on Toronto island after a PBR and Billy Holiday picnic with my friend Meghan. Women, we are nuts and a strange species but when we wear heels it’s like the mans version of a dog whistle. A single pink cloud that I named Jerry last night, he seemed so alone and perfect set in the sky. And lastly my friend Branko’s band playing at their CD release party last week, they are called Dinosaur Bones and their new album is Shaky Dream, check em out cause they’re gonna be big!
Tunes
Donovan Woods – Put on Cologne
Macklemore and Ryan Lewis – Same
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros – Home
Donovan Woods – Petrolia
Kings of Leon – Back Down South

And then life happened

20130807-082319.jpg

20130807-082335.jpg

20130807-082359.jpg

20130807-082416.jpg

20130807-082440.jpg

20130807-082508.jpg

20130807-082528.jpg

I’m sitting here in my empty new apartment, I made myself a cup of tea and walked over from my mums place. It’s bizarre knowing that I have this place to call my own for the next little while and it’s amazing that ill get to sleep in my bed in two weeks. I spent the last five months falling onto my mums couch, dealing with four suitcases full of clothes constantly, and having to succeed and fail a number of times before somewhat getting it right.
Shit is hitting the fan in my life, well replace the shit with like, rainbows or cookies, I suppose there is a better analogy to explain how this past week has gone. After my birthday I wrote out some goals, financial ones mainly and some to help kick old habits. I’ve been so focused on the moment that I forgot that planning for your future is just as important. I sometimes live too much in the moment and don’t bother to think about consequences until they smack me in the face usually in the form of a bank statement or a date gone terribly wrong.
Life is constantly making my existence worth it, I’m getting to see my purpose on this confusing and massive planet. Somedays I want it to be bigger, I want my life to go to places I never imagined. Somedays I want it all to pause, I feel like I don’t have time to even catch my breath, but those are the moments when I feel the most alive. The difference nowadays is that I’m planning my life out, I’m like pinky and the brain lately, plotting world domination only instead of a mind control device I have a Laura Siegel cape and a pair of Jeffery Campbell Franz boots.
Here are some things I’m excited to do now that I have my own place again
1. Eat, sleep, drink, fart, laugh, cry, and possibly have sex (lack of fart and food crumbs permitting) in my bed.
2. Be able to find that specific shirt I want to wear without going through 4 suitcases and a dresser. I have a MASSIVE closet in my new room…my credit card having a retail orgasm at the moment.
3. Have my friends over for dinner parties, games night, French club, and everything else I love doing when people come over.
4. Walk around in my underwear, I still do that at my mums place but I don’t get very good reception.
5. GO HOME! I haven’t felt like I’ve had a home in 8 months, I’ve been flying around this city for work, play, and a place to sleep. I’m so excited to have my little spot to call home again, with all my weird nick nacks, my tea cup collection, my artwork, and my many 80s DVDs I bought in bulk from a garage sale.

That’s all from me right now darlin’s, thanks to everyone for all your love and support…I honestly can’t tell you how grateful I am for all this, well I could…wait I did, why do people say that phrase? I am grateful, there…Why can’t I just make things simple?

Love you all and happy Wednesday, the two pictures above with the models are two shoots I did with Patrick Lacsina, Amanda Blair Robson and Elmer Olsen agency. Also I worked with Jane & Jane again on a collaboration featuring Laura Siegels FW2013 and Emily Woundenburg, both extremely talented Canadian designers. Ill have the whole story up in a couple weeks, but check them out and support our creative friends!

Xoxo
– Casey Jane

Flapper Girls

20130719-104121.jpg20130719-093130.jpg20130719-093142.jpg20130719-093155.jpg20130719-093201.jpg20130719-093210.jpg

Being apart of a group of friends is like constantly having a VIP pass to the best comedy show, the best party, and the most amazing event I could possibly be invited to. I really couldn’t think about what life would be like if I didn’t have them, I’m sure a lot of you can relate and I bet you instantly had your best pals pop into your head while reading this. I’m very lucky because I’ve had the same close group for over eleven years now…fuck girls we’re gettin old.
My life has had a lot of amazing people be apart of it, some come and go, some have stayed, and some have passed through leaving me speechless. I admire and remember everyone of them, I may have a selective memory but when it comes to people who spark something, well I never forget them. The ones that stuck around, the women mainly, I only have one dear man that’s stuck with me through the years, but those people, well if any of them showed up at my door with a body in their trunk…I’d grab a 26er of Sailor Jerry and a shovel.
This year has been full of change, if you follow this little blog you’ll know exactly how much my life has been flipped upside down. My friends are no exception, and ya I know, it’s life, shit happens but 2013 has been an extremely significant year that I won’t forget. All of us have had heart break, job losses, career changes, accomplishments, failures, identity crisis’s, and a whole lot more. It’s made us closer and made us become the people we want to be, even if we don’t know it yet. Through it all we’ve always had each other, speed dial with a instant pick up, car rides to come save the day, and hangouts over too much wine…seriously it’s embarrassing how many bottles my group can plough through.
So when your snot nosed, puffy eyed and feeling like hitting the bottle harder then Amy Winehouse on a Monday, call your friends, the best ones will be there with open arms. They are the ones that will be there for the rest of your life, they are the ones that will push you to succeed, and the ones that will always love you. Even when I’m being an asshole, I’m short tempered and frustrated, I feel like an insane lunatic, I call my friends and suddenly I feel ok…even normal, well that’s a stretch.

So today if you haven’t told your friends how much they mean to you I suggest doing so because they are your flapper girls ready to perform in front of the world with you. And to my dearest ladies and my gent Branko, I absolutely have the biggest crush on all of you and you make me understand myself more and more everyday.

Insert sappy songs here…oh wait
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros – Home
The Lumineers – Flapper Girl
Jake Bugg – Two Fingers
Haim – Falling

That’s all from me today, I’m currently working on a Dentyne Ice commercial and a couple creatives, one involving my dad which I will share in the near future. Also if anyone watches The Food Network, Slice, Showcase, or HGTV my Tylenol commercial has apparently aired as well 🙂

Happy Friday My Loves!!!

– Casey Jane

20130719-105117.jpg

Love

20130214-180124.jpg

20130214-180331.jpg

20130214-180318.jpg

20130214-180258.jpg

20130214-180242.jpg

20130214-180224.jpg

20130214-180204.jpg

I’ve been fiddling with the idea of posting my outlook on love, it’s a touchy subject in my life lately and I wasn’t sure if I had the best things to say about it, but I thought hard and I actually do.
Love can only happen when you let it in, I don’t mean replying with “I love you too”, I mean accepting it for all it means. That goes both ways, I used to use “I love you” all the time for any reason, there’s nothing wrong with that however it lost its meaning after awhile to a point where I would say it just to hear it come back to me, like hello and goodbye. It would fly out the door with me, be spoken in mumbles on a quick Skype chat, or scribbled at the end of a note, and now that that phrase has started to become scarce in my vocabulary I am beginning to think maybe I should have rationed it a little more.
This got me thinking about the real meaning behind the big L word, I honestly don’t think I understood the magnitude of the phrase, but I defiantly had the feelings behind it when I first started saying it to someone. Then you grow up, you learn some more, you get hurt, you hurt someone, and you begin to see patterns with yourself. I know at this point in my life I’m seeing that the one person I barely said or felt those words to was myself…and that’s not right.
Loving oneself is not something that came naturally to me, loving someone else however is as natural as breathing. Obviously it takes a certain soul to bring that out of me but that’s how I’d love, entirely giving, reminding, uplifting, and unconditionally…but deep down I had conditions, I had love for myself that I was ignoring for the sake of the relationship. Now I’ve been loved by someone’s whole heart I know that, but sometimes time, space, and life take hold, so that loves changes. It doesn’t go away it just changes into another form and sometimes people throw that love away because of hurt, anger, pain…it’s silly because in the end you’re still loved and we try to ignore and push down that simple realization.
This valentines day maybe a lonely one for me but I have love, I know it’s out there and I know all the people that have it for me. Love is something I need time to figure out, I know at least for the next while ill be trying to figure that feeling out, but it’s nice to know I’ve felt it.
No regrets, just the ongoing lessons of life.

– Casey Jane

all pictures taken from http://www.pinterest.com

#MILEADAY

20121130-132634.jpg

20121130-132708.jpg

20121130-132728.jpg

20121130-132720.jpg

The past 5 days I’ve been doing the #mileaday challenge where you run a mile a day, pretty straight forward. I was motivated to start because a) I’ve been wanting to get back into my physical regime b) a lot and I mean A LOT of bloggers I follow are doing it and c) I needed a challenge for myself. Emotional challenges happen a lot, you work through them with the knowledge you own, make mistakes or not, and hopefully learn and grow from them but what about physical challenges?
I felt like I really needed this at this stage in my life, I need to know that not only can I push my emotional boundaries but my physical ones as well. I’m going to be honest I am not the best at keeping routines, I’m not someone who can do the same thing day after day, so something like the mile a day is actually very difficult for me. My main goal is to finish New Year’s Day, however my other goal is to incorporate this new “habit” into my life. Now that I’m 25 years old and counting I’m becoming more aware of my accomplishments and faults in life, things I know I need to work on and other things I know I possess. My mum said something the other day over tea that made me really think about how I live my life. She pointed out that indeed I am human (thanks mum) and that it is not about the outcome of these events, it’s the journey and the things I learn in the present time. She’s right (mums usually are) I live too much in the future and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve perceived an outcome before it even happens, which only then makes me worried, disappointed when it doesn’t happen the way I want, or I feel numb because I’ve lived it before its even happened…That’s what movies do, I am a real person in real time and that my friends it what matters.

I know I’ve been ranting a lot on this blog but I feel like I can’t be the only one that feels like this. I always feel better when I read a blog or an article about women or men who are struggling with the same thing that I am, it makes it…well real.

I’m off to a Photo shoot with my lovely crew back at my favourite place to shoot, it’s an old loft studio with big windows that over look the Don Valley River, not a bad place to get inspired.

Hope your all staying warm!

-Casey Jane