The Night Casey Jane Entered Stage Left and The Symphony Was Drunk.

unnamed unnamed (1) unnamed (2) unnamed (3) unnamed (4)SMASH…

Enter stage left Ms Casey Jane sauntering into a bar after drinking a reverends wife’s yearly supply of wine. Thats 2 bottles and a magnum if you are wondering.The magnum is only when she holds her yearly Tupperware party with the ladies from her knitting club. Agnes is a REAL lush bag when they get into a biblical debate.We however drank all this before midnight, I even wore heels. Mainly because I wore them all day with no socks and didn’t want to alert the authorities that a dead body had been dumped on Queen West.

Entourage enters stage left consisting of one life partner named Justin Edwards. My incredible gay go getter that makes me feel like I’m fucking queen of the world, I also occasionally buy him brunch.
Its a rule between gay/straight life partners.
He took to the party like a conductor at a symphony and left on a man hunt faster than the road runner did when the coyote was getting too close. He’s also designing my apartment so he’s pretty much the full package and he’s mine you cant have him!

Our love is immaculate.

Anyway, I walked in thinking I would spend my time yelling derogatory slurs at my bar tending roommate. I thought I would sit down next to Meghan and get slapped and told how much she loved me. Hell I thought I would end up hammered in front of my oven cursing at it to make my pizza pockets faster.

And then, as if it was as natural as anything I sat down next to him.

Have you ever forgotten something? Like completely? Then out of the blue someone says something, shows you something or just is something and you wonder how you ever forgot it?

Funny isn’t it.

Over on Berkeley St I’ve become in love with putting my key in the door of my office every morning. Turning on the music, the lights, and now that spring is here opening the door to let the long awaited breeze flow in. The guys play fooseball late afternoon while the girls sit around our lounge area talking about escorts and prostitutes over lunch. We’re an amazing bunch that are creating extremely great work. The prostitute conversation expanded because of a mutual love for Pretty Woman, I mean Richard Gere…
COME ON!
I’d totally allow kissing.

Creative meetings, pitches, hallway conversations, conference calls filled with laughing and ideas. Our office is alive and I couldn’t be happier with where I am in life right now.

The homestead is still filled with the insanities of Casey and Tim trying to adult. We found out we have mice, so thats been fun. I keep naming them and then making a personal relationship with them, only I hate them.

Its hate.

Its a hate relationship.

Fred’s the worst cause he just sits in my kitchen staring at me like a smug fuck head.

The girls and I spent saturday getting day drunk and going to our friend Evely’s birthday party. We met for brunch and after the waitress feared we were getting sober poured us each a glass of wine all the way to the top. We ended up buying a birthday present consisting of a plant named Stuart McDick, a bouquet of Pussy Willows and a 4L box of white wine.

Looking back on it now its not a surprise the three of us ended up in a kiddy park trying to drive pedal cars…

Thats what the warm weather brings around here, well not belligerent females defacing a children’s playground. It just brings out life a little more, it brings people together longer and more intimate. My heart sings a lot louder when the sun hits my face when I crash out of my apartment at the start of the day. Warm weather means later nights in parks, longer sits on patios and backyard get togethers that make me you smile from the inside out. It also reminds me every single day I open my deer in headlight eyes that…

I am one lucky fucking bitch.

Spring is here Toronto.

Thanks for reading loves.

Tunes

Lord Huron – Meet Me In The Woods  My favourite album right now, in the words of my dear Kmo “Its my fucking favourite.”

Andy Shauf – Hometown Hero

Lord Huron – Luisa         Again, My fucking favourite.

Leon Bridges – River

Father John Misty – When You’re Smiling and Astride Me

Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors – American Beauty 

Werkin On My Shit

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I did it again, I disappeared from my blog duties for two weeks and I apologize for that. I have this problem sometimes where I just have nothing to write about. I mean I HAVE things to write about but they haven’t been looped in my head enough. I escape into a zone where I don’t feel the need to tell everyone how I’m feeling and just live in the moment. Although I do recap the really good bits and the extremely embarrassing ones for you lovely readers.
Life is however giving me a major hard on, like a lady hard on, but one nonetheless. The last time I wrote I was on the cusp of starting a new position working along side a Canadian Designer and I’m happy to write that It happened. I’m now assisting Mark Foreman of Bionic Workshop & Boutique. I get to walk to work, Mark is an incredible boss, and I actually have money in my bank account.

Guys, I did laundry, bought groceries, AND went for a half litre of wine at Java House in the same day…
I didn’t even have a bank account heart attack…
I even bought new underwear…
And a bra…

Ok that last one was a lie because it’s not actually a bra as more of a sexy spandex sling for my chest.

Last weekend the girls ( Kate, Cat, Sarah, Meghan) and I celebrated a very special life moment, Meghan and Xan’s engagement party. Yes I have become the Kirsten Wigg of our own Bridesmaid movie and I’m coming to terms with that. It was the first time I looked around at everyone and realized this was my life family. Those people at that party are people that are going to be around years from now telling stories about when we were young. It could have been the wine talking but I felt like an adult, a real one, for the first time in my life. I mean it quickly went away when Kate and I snuck out to smoke weed behind Meghan’s parents garden shed but for that brief moment I was content with adult Casey Jane.
Now I also remember bringing up a character by the name of LG, unfortunately the dapper fellow had a few more roads to travel down. I just hope I was a nice stop over along his way, he was a breath of fresh air. That’s all I’ll say about him.
Funny thing is that I’ve got everything I need in my life, and, if anything, I need someone who’s ready to accent it. I don’t need someone who wants to paint a different picture of me, I’ve got my own paint. I’ll be 27 years old in three days and I’m ready to push my life forward in experiences, in my career, and in myself. I’ve carved a small knot in Toronto and I’m not about to stop digging deeper.
I booked a three week trip to Europe with my friend Liz in October last Thursday. This will be my first real long vacation since I went to Grenada on a post break up rehab mission two years ago. I’m going to Paris, Holland to see my people, and Berlin where I might need to transplant my liver mid week. I feel like Liz and I were meant to do this for ourselves. When we met and bonded instantly there was this underlined connection to our pasts. I think we both needed each other to motivate ourselves to take a risk and go out and experience something we didn’t think we could do. I’m the first one to hold back on big investments for myself…I mean it took me 6 months to justify buying new underwear. Now we are booked and ready to adventure in Europe. Good lord lovelies the blog posts during that time are probably going to sound like a chapter out of Naked Lunch.
I’m still learning a lot about myself, I still have scars to mend, I still fuck up weekly but I am at a time in my life where I am genuinely proud to be me. I’m glad I got kicked to the curb a few times, I’m happy I made all those terrible late night decisions, and I will NEVER regret the hundreds of 3am pizza pockets I have consumed over the last two years.

Never.

Tunes

Felix Jaehn – Shine
Kodaline – High Hopes ( Filous remix)
Francesco Yates – Call
SPOON – Do You

Pizza Pops and Circus Clowns

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I’m constantly surprised by the learnings of life and the ever growing gratefulness I have to everything. For the past 2 years I have struggled with finding my place in it all. I’ve gone in and out of so many work spaces and carried a stress of not knowing where my next pay would come from. Lately, for the first time, I’m beginning to feel stability. It’s a slow process and realistically I won’t be completely back on my feet until July. I have to respect that and make choices that can make that goal a reality. I’m really enjoying my life and again for the first time I’m giving myself a break. The mental break downs have stopped, my night terrors haven’t happened in weeks, and the stresses of my insane singleness have vanished. I’m happy with everything that is my life right now.
I also have been living without a phone for the last two weeks.
It’s been…
Interesting.
Not in a bad way though, in a eye opening good way as it’s allowed me to be in the moment A LOT more. I hang out with the friends that still make ways to contact me knowing once I leave my house I’m in limbo. If anything my social life has become richer.
Last weekend we had our first Hanlands nude beach day over on the island. I met my friend Tim of almost 15 years at the ferry dock and it was the first time we hung out in FOREVER! Tim was my prom date and was actually my first guy friend in high school. He’s one of those friends where no matter how much time goes by it’s an instant ease into where we left off. The day was spent laughing until my face hurt, making hashtags with my friend Liz, and creating a pizza pocket salad with Tim.
This past Friday I went over to my best friend Meghan’s condo to build a #drunkassladyfort for a girls night celebration. Our friend Cat finished her chiropractic exams and even hearing her lightly talk about it made my brain hurt. We built the fort out of blankets, wrap skirts, pipe cleaners, and hair ties. No lady fort is complete without twinkle lights, flower garlands, and a shit load of wine. So there we were, 5 drunk women in their late twenties rolling around in a blanket fort on a Friday night.
On Saturday Liz and I party hopped and ended the night with me hitting and climbing parked cars with a balloon in hand…
We still don’t know how I acquired the balloon or why I turned into a drunk Bart Simpson. We had gone to a house party for drinks where her gay friend decided to call me Jane Fonda for the night. I didn’t protest as I was more interested in the wine drinking and getting into an accent mimicking war with a stranger. I came home that night at 5:30 and waited until 6am for my two pizza pockets to cook in the oven. I also burned my boob while eating them in bed and not waiting for them to cool down…
As a recent date of mine would say “classy dame”.
I actually fell on my face in my shop on our first date while closing up. On our second date I ordered a chicken sandwich that was stacked way to high for my mouth. Without thinking I took my whole hand and smushed the sandwich so that I could eat it. Needless to say I’m really staying true to the real me lately.
Styling has been slow just with my mission out of poverty and my new found love of my almost full time job. I work as a style coach for an independent retail shop that represents local and Canadian designers. I’m really working hard to find my place within the company and use everything I’ve learned to do the best job I can. It’s really sparked the idea of creating a place within a community that is supportive and doing amazing work. I love working with our local designers and branching out to better my career and theirs. I still have a lot to learned but I’m making the choices to be honest and accountable for how my life plays out. The money will follow with dedication and persistence. I’ve come out of many hardships to know that it’s only making me a stronger woman. Everyday I choose to keep going is everyday I get closer to the ideal life I want to lead.

And that’s coming from a lady that burnt her tit on a rogue pizza pocket filling.

Just keep going, accept your life for how wonderful it is, and be grateful for the people that are in your life. Listen to yourself and learn from your choices and actions to become nothing but better. This time in life is all about finding yourself so don’t rush it, don’t be impatient, it’s all coming in its own perfect time.
At least that is what I’ve come to believe.

Happy June my darlings

Casey Jane

Tunes
Hall & Oates – Head Above Water
Yuna – Falling
Great, Good, Fine, Ok – Not Going Home
Gregory Alan Isakov – Light Year

Lighting Fires in a Spring Dress

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The thing between your ears, that lovely network of emotions and thoughts is a fickle thing when you don’t take care of it properly. I think I’ve run the tank dry after last week and it left me in a sea of sweat and a fun thing called night terrors. If you’ve ever experienced a night terror you’ll be well aware of the realness your subconscious can create. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything in the mental capacity, maybe it’s out of fear I might be a doctors pharmaceutical wet dream. In any case I woke up at 5am this morning in tears and screaming thinking I was back in my old Parkdale apartment with my ex, my old boss, and a tall native man with 24 kids holding a gun to my head.
MORNING!!!!
You can imagine my first alive thought was “I’m fucking loosing it” and the worst part was that I found myself utterly alone with myself. My consciousness had cornered me in a situation I’ve been avoiding over the last couple days…myself. Last week was filled with a lot of alone time travelling to and from photography sets and studios. I gave and gave and gave without giving myself a breath of fresh air or time to ask myself how I was actually feeling. I just drowned that breath in alcohol and told myself to shut up and man up, grab my balls, ya know, all manly and shit…
If you know me that last statement is as far from who I am but is how I attempt to act most of the time. I’m a tough cookie but I’m overly sensitive to other peoples emotions and the lovely heart attacks life throws at me. I can go for a long time and work myself to the point where I just crash and burn in a fiery display of partying and lonely pizza pocket eating at 4am. It’s those ego/fear fuckers that jumped on my worn out soul the minute I let my guard down…
And I let it happen.
I’m taking it as another lesson learned that neglecting myself at this stage in my career and my life is NOT an option. It’s one thing to work hard but it’s another thing to let that hard work take over all the other important things in my life, like taking care of me. I’ve been such an asshole to myself lately just throwing myself around this city to distract the fact that I have my feelings hurt by life.
The funny part is that I’ve accomplished some crazy stuff last week as far as my styling. I worked with Laura Siegel one of my designer icons and got to meet the lovely lady at her studio. I got hired back as an on set stylist for another four harlequin shoots with a stylist I admire and a crew I adore. I made it to the second round of interviews for Holt Renfrew in their visual department and helped a dear friend move into a new place. Not to mention I did laundry for the first time in months. It’s crazy I have enough clothes to last me that long but I’ll tell ya I was starting to wear some wacky ass outfits by the end.
I even read over this post and want to smack myself over how hard I am on myself. However that’s the great part, that’s the good fight but it doesn’t fix the fact I’m still struggling with rent, I’m still in this weird limbo of slowly moving forward with some things and holding back on others. I keep telling myself it’s for the greater good, being patient and persistent will bring what I want into my life. It will, but the in between is a fucking lonely ass place to be especially when everyone else in my life are going through very different life changes.
All my friends seem to be having so many lovely life moments in the past little while as far as their personal lives. It’s that time in life where families are being formed, relationships are moving to new levels and here I am in the middle of it all genuinely happy and insanely lonely at the same time. I feel their love, I see it, I give it back but at the end of it all I walk away holding my own hand. I’m constantly on the run and it makes me laugh that I have such a handle on my career path but I’m driving drunk in my personal lane crashing into dates and dinners. I put on a good show I’ll give myself that, it’s a deranged thing my dating life and the way I have acted with men the last year. Its gotten to the point where I don’t want to fight for anyone anymore because I’ve lost that fight so many times before. Now you can reply to that with the idea that the right person will put up the fight. I guess I had my heart set on someone I thought I could take a chance on and it doesn’t seem to be working out that way. I have to be ok with that but god dammit I’d love to feel that spark again with someone. I’m just not about to settle on a fake flame for the sake of not having to be the third wheel all the time.

I’ve got a lot more writing to do today so I’m kind of happy it’s raining buckets outside. I do want to say thank you to everyone reading this blog, it’s sometimes therapeutic but it’s also a way of sharing the fact that I am human.

Everybody poops.

Xox

– Casey Jane

Robby Hecht – New York City
J Tillman – Make Me A Pallet On Your Floor
Lord Huron – Lonesome Dreams

Cafe Dialogues and Waffle Fires

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So I lied…I took another week retreat from writing again, I think the last post made me want to dig deeper and figure out where the hell I’m at in my head these days. I don’t think I’ve made much progress other then a clear realization that I’m emotionally unavailable and addicted to drinking coffee and writing about how emotionally unavailable I am…does that sound conceded? I’m just seriously curious to this huge shift in myself, for those that really know me would ask the same thing. I’m usually a heart sleeve wearing, open door swaying, relationship overdosing kinda gal. Nowadays I’m a on the surface, at a distance, relationship dodging loose canon who can’t seem to get her words straight.
However in my work, well I’m on fucking fire, and actually almost literally as I learned my roommate this morning almost burnt down our apartment due to a over toasted ego waffle…she’s seriously going to kill me one of these days. I currently have 4 jobs including my freelancing which right now is collecting dust but it’s fine because with all the bouncing around I’ve been doing I’m kinda thankful for the break. I’m putting together a look book shoot with Handsome&Lace and my two favourite photographers Jane & Jane . I’m so excited about this shoot for many reasons. The main one being I get to help Keira create a press book that will really speak to our customers and show off the vibe we want to give out as a label/business. Not to mention I get to style 6 gentlemen and work with four of my favourite creative people in my life right now. I’m starting to really believe that I’ve found my purpose and that I’m really building an amazing career for myself, I remember when I thought styling was it but now I’m starting to see that was just the tip of the iceberg.
I’m starting to see what exactly I want for the next couple years as far as my own path goes. Im drawing pictures constantly in my head of my day to day life. Day dreaming I think is the main thing that keeps me moving forward, knowing that I’ve started to make my dreams come true already. It sounds really dorky, like almost goon worthy I know but I’m telling you if you think hard enough about something you truly want, you take the time to dream about it, write about it, do things that reference it, it’ll happen one way or another. It’s one of the reasons I don’t give up and why I take so many risks in figuring my life out and it’s certainly is the reason I am where I am right now. I’m young and I don’t see the point in playing safe at this stage, I think in your late twenties you should fuck up and be fearless because you realistically can. There is no excuse why anyone in their twenties can’t live the way they want and pursue anything they want, we have the energy, the social circles and the potential. I’m not talking about money, money doesn’t matter at all, obviously pay your bills and get by but I see too many of us chasing this unrealistic lifestyle of fancy this and glorified that. I’d much rather be poor now and work towards what I want to do than make good money now at something ill probably hate in a couple years. Besides you can be poor and not look it, I still dress nice, smoke my more expensive brand of smokes, have the occasional (less nowadays) night out and pay my rent. I have amazing friends, a wonderful creative circle and the random date everyone now and then…ya know to hold off the urge of getting 2 cats and to start a knitting club.
Those lonelies comes and go still, it’s a natural feeling when you see couples out shopping and being all gross and adorable. I have a new thing I do where I sit in cafes and make fake stories for couples who are sitting together. Sometimes I do it for single people too, mainly for attractive aloof men that are more interested in their copy of Palahniuk’s new book then whatever the fuck I’m up to. I recently saw a couple sitting together where one was reading a play and the other was doing the crossword…I didn’t know whether to instagram their perfect hipster love or hope the ceiling would cave in on their ironic happiness. I do enjoy seeing people happy together, I’m not a creeper that stocks happy couples for my own humility and commentary, it hasn’t gotten that bad yet. Deep down I know I like being alone, I know I have a long road of figuring myself out and I’m glad I’m taking the time to do it, rather then getting into a relationship for all the wrong reasons. I have no reason to get into a relationship, other then being lonely sometimes and that’s a wrong reason to search for the magic one. That’s like deciding to eat ice cream with a dairy intolerance, you missed it but your ass and insides certainly didn’t.
Besides all that I have a great relationship that I’m in with my roommate, I don’t where my stuff starts and her stuff begins. I find myself wanting to stay in and hangout with her more so than I want to go out and meet people. She makes me dinner, we always go out as a pair and to be honest she’s the only one I want to have a date night with, well other then the other 4 nut bar women I call my best friends. We have fart attacks, heart attacks and laugh attacks on the daily, I’ve seriously never laughed so hard in my life over someone attempting to order take out after having one to many silly sticks. I tuck her in to bed when she’s drank too much and she gives me drinks when I’ve cried too much. I think having that kind of dynamic with someone can really help you figure out what’s important to you and what you won’t give up on, friendship doesn’t just come and go like most relationships do. Having someone to go through things with that truly gets it is priceless, fuck MasterCard cause having a best girlfriend trumps any cute commercial with a baby playing in a box.

I think that’s all from me today, I’m off to sew some more opportunities and get my apartment clean for my parents inevitable invasion tonight. It’ll be lots of cheap wine, pasta and playing find and hide the paraphernalia we have scattered around the house…I always forget we have leopard fuzzy handcuffs hanging in our bathroom.

Here’s some Tunes for ya

Dustin Tebbutt – The Breach
Radical Face – The Mute
Rhodes – Run
Hey Marseilles – Bright Star Burning
Boy and Bear – Old Town Blues

Photos above in Order:
My best friend Branko who has been staying at my place for the past couple weeks played Lees Palace on Friday with Brendan Canning of Broken Social Scene, you can check there new music video out here
My friend Meghan turning herself into captain twister, conquering of awkward parties and defender of overtly sexual games
Again…Meghan and Sarah got into my closet and had a floor jam session equipped with fruit ukulele and feather boa
And lastly me in a change room…I’m going to a wedding over the weekend and because I never get to dress up I decided to go a little fancy pants with a lace cocktail dress.

Winos & Wanderers

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I wish I had a constant camera on me so at the end of every week I could sit down with a cheap Shiraz and watch myself create my life and live it. In a way that’s what this blog is, when I’m in my forties ill get to read over this and realize how insanely determined I was to live the life I wanted. It’s not easy, I know I talk about that a lot but I can’t stress enough the hard reality of becoming what you want to be. It’s lonely a lot of the time, I’m always working with new people which is amazing but I don’t have an office, I don’t have the same people I see everyday and I’m completely in my own head most of the time.
At the same time I love surrounding myself with people, mainly my friends because they are the ones that know me, they care about me and I want to spoil them all constantly! I daydream about being successful and being able to treat my friends, help them make their dreams, and creating even crazier adventures…not that we don’t all have those. This summer alone has been filled with photo shoots, pool hopping, scaling buildings to drink on roof tops, beach days, late night bike rides, and dancing with Kate to 90’s music alone in our apartment.
That part of my life is solid, my career is moving along at its own perfect pace whether I like it or not, and my personal life…well I’ve got some bugs to work out still. I feel like I’m constantly putting myself behind glass with men, I’ve changed a lot in the last year and it freaks me out knowing where my head is at these days. Commitment scares the shit out of me, the idea of creating anything other then art just gets my stomach in knots and I could be a little jaded…just a little. Now I’m not trying to say I’m a raging she hulk and every man should watch his step, I love the company of men and Im actually quite fond of the ones I’ve met. For me, right now I’m starting to see that it’s ok to have fun and want what you want. I’m being honest with myself and sometimes that comes at a price, I’m sure I’ve made a couple guys run away in the last little while but I know it was for the best…at least I think so. I could be completely wrong on this whole topic, I wouldn’t say I’m a scholar at being single, I’m more like a drunk freshman. Just an affectionate ball of goof, that’s typically what I am most of the time but on the days I pull back I’m a quiet little thinker. What I really like is being myself and watch which people stick around and which slip away, it’s a great thing because you end up landing in the company of really incredible people. I think that’s what I like best about being single, being fancy free little ol me and whoever wants to partake in it has to believe in who I am.
In my quest for my career I’m learning a lot about patience and knowing my place in it all. Assisting has taught me so many valuable things about the industry and becoming a professional wardrobe stylist. I learn so much from my Stylists and I’m forever grateful for their honesty and guidance, not to mention allowing me to make a living off what I love to do. I’ve learned to harness my focus in a sometimes chaotic environment, there is a lot of attention that’s needed to do a good job as an assistant. At the end of a shoot where I know I’ve done well I practically collapse once I get home into a giggling ball of insanity. It really takes a lot out of me but only when I’ve put my all into it and in the last month I’ve learned to focus and stay in the moment on shoots. Work is picking back up again and my bank account is pawning for the refill, it’s a struggle sometimes but I try not to let it get to me. I’m a very lucky lady and yea I sometimes eat toast for three days straight, I wash my underwear in my kitchen sink, and I use cinnamon as blush when I run out of makeup. But it’s all worth it, I have a beautiful apartment in the best neighbourhood, I’m living with my best friend and comedy partner and I’m learning how to become a wardrobe stylist! Ya, no complaints here.
The photos above are from I shoot I did with the lovely Jane & Jane and Erin Heather. Our beautiful Model Jocelyn had so much energy and really brought out the personality of the clothing. I pulled from designers Laura Siegel and Emily Woudenberg both who I admire a lot. When I was just starting out Laura and I had a phone conversation where she gave me some pretty amazing advice when I needed it the most. This shoot meant a lot to me because I never would have imagined being able to style with her clothing and yet just 8 months later here we are. It just goes to show how far you can go if you dream big, I had this quiet little thought in my head when I first spoke to Laura just wishing one day I could collaborate with her.
And then it happened.

I’m off to Bellwoods to meet Kate, keep dreaming k?

– Casey Jane

Handsome & Lace

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Another week and my heads spinning with ideas, thoughts and feelings. You know that feeling when you listen to a new band and it automatically brings out the exact tempo of your current situation? That’s been this week and last for me, a constant soundtrack that plays out with the beat of my feet on queen wests pavement.
Kmo and I are incredibly smitten in our new home, a dream that’s been waiting to unfold for ten years and I don’t think either one of us has realized the ladder we’re climbing. Comedy songs are literally flying out our asses, we’re writing a book, we have a new member of our band John La Mangna who’s been incredible, and honestly I’m having the time of my life. The other night as I was reenacting a scene from dirty dancing I thought maybe I’m having too much fun. Is life supposed to be this fun? Can it be this simple? Why do I question life when it gets good, maybe cause I always feel like the rug is going to be pulled out from under me.
Work has been a little odd, things are happening at their own perfect pace and it’s freaking me out. I’m actually doing everything I want to and it’s fucking terrifying because I want to do more, I want to do much more and I know I will. The last ten years have been leading up to this, I’ve been patiently keeping my head down and now it’s like I’ve been pushed on stage for everyone to see the play I’ve been meaning to perform.
Can’t stop, won’t stop!
There are a few things I need to settle down with, Im aware of control and I’m aware of the work ethic that this career path takes. I always rise to the occasion and so until that chance comes ill be waiting patiently creating mood boards in my room, writing, dancing, laughing, hanging out with great friends and being thankful I get to be a creative person. I just want to always make sure my friends and family know how much I adore them, they really have made this journey easier, not to mention the epic amount of support I get. I always want to be a positive person in people’s lives, I never want to take anything from them, I never want to make things difficult for anyone and I constantly want to show my love and affection for those who have stayed with me and those who are new additions. It’s a new thing for me to be able to do this, I was always a very affectionate person but not like this, now I’m open to giving and receiving and I think we all need that.
Speaking of amazing people I start a new assistant sewing job this week for a Toronto based designer Keira Morgan and her label Handsome&Lace. Gentlemen if your in the need for some beautiful handmade accessories I strongly suggest taking a look at what this amazing lady can do, I’m to the moon excited to work along side her. We’ve actually met about 6 years ago on a radio show I used to do weekly, funny enough we know a lot of the same people in the comedy world. I know what your thinking, she’s talented and funny? Where do I find these amazing people? Regardless keep it coming universe ill gladly stay open to this new field of people that flow into my life, gladly.

Happy Tuesday My Loves, and thank you for reading this little blog of mine 🙂 you’re really rad, I hope you know that!

Here are some tunes that literally set the mood for my life right now, enjoy!

The 1975 – She Way Out
The 1975 – Settle Down
Boy & Bear – Southern Sun
The Rolling Stones – Miss you
Otis Redding – These arms of mine
The 1975 – Chocolate

The new chapter to a long book

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Last night was the first night since I’ve moved into my new place where I’ve had a full nights sleep…it was glorious. I still haven’t had a full day off to unpack, clean and start another painting binge in my now red living room, I want it white and I want it now!
The one thing I’m trying to do is be patient with designing this new space, you can go broke pretty quick if you don’t plan out what you actually need opposed to what you want. What I love about the new place is the high ceilings, I feel so little walking into the living/dining room area and I can see the potential to make it a very bright and inviting space to be in. I started a floor plan and have been pinning on Pinterest like crazy! I’ve also been dancing around in my underwear a lot more…because I can, and Kmo (my roommate) hasn’t moved in yet, even though I’m sure it won’t change my behaviour much once she does.
Over the last couple days I’ve assisted on a Target Ad, pulled for four Harlequin book covers, and styled a Kraft Christmas campaign. It’s been non stop to say the least and I’m loving every minute of it. There is nothing more fulfilling being freelance than completely supporting yourself in your passion and what you love to do. I never thought this would be my life, I never imagined being freelance and taking this road. Now that I am I can’t stop dreaming bigger, doing greater things and working harder at reaching the next level of success in my career. I want it more then anything, I want to establish myself as a positive and professional force. I still have a long road to travel and I am still learning from my mentors and peers which whom I am forever grateful towards. I never want to loose that sense of being humbled by my work and life.
On Saturday I was taken to a great play called The Delicatessen on Ossington. It’s a comedy based on a couple that goes to a sex club called Wicked, which is actually a real swingers club on Queen West. It really explored the dynamic of the modern couple which is completely fucked up and confusing sometimes. It shows that no matter how much you’ve built together it can all mean nothing if you have nothing left for yourself. The main couple is trying to spice things up, try new things while in the end it doesn’t solve the fact that they are both personally unhappy with themselves. I know this sounds tragic but it’s written hysterically well, the language was quick and on point, and the actors had an amazing dynamic between them.
I didn’t realize how much I missed live theatre until I started watching this play, it’s nice to immerse yourself in someone else’s art for awhile. Next week I’m planning on going to the AGO and soak up some fine art as the gallery is open for free on Wednesday nights, also I’ve been hearing incredible things about a new exhibit there called According to What? by Chinese artist Ai WeiWei.
The photos above are snaps of the moving day with Shaina and Meghan playing go cart at the storage unit. A reality slap at a wardrobe rental house I was working at, I’ve been questioning my bone structure ever since. A view of my giant window in my bedroom, it’s a little loud when the streetcars roll by but honestly over the years living on Queen it’s become kinda nostalgic to me. Fabric guru Lisa cutting a few yards of sheer at Trendy Fabrics on queen west, honestly there are the best garment shops around my new place. Me enjoying my window spot, I can lay on my bed and lean out my window onto queen, there’s something Parisian about being able to do that. Never ending laundry trip to my local place, I was trying to wash an outfit before a date…I ended up being 30 mins late to a thoughtful picnic and a very dapper fellow…I amaze myself at how I get so nervous before a date still.
Lastly this amazing instrument my friend Rachelle owner of Hawkeye’s on Roncevalles scored for a Mumford and Sons event she designing.

I’m enjoying a little bit of a relaxed day today planning out next week and some home projects.

Happy Wednesday lovelies!

Tunes
We are the city – Friends Hurt
Nataly Dawn – Araceli
Jeremy Fisher – Sula
Marvin Gaye – Got to give it up

Xoxo

Starting with 26

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I’m sitting on my mums bed watching the sun creep back up into the sky, I have a lime green face mask on and I’m trying to take in the last two weeks leading up to my birthday. I always think of my birthday as my New Years, time to shed the old skin of the past. I built a pretty tough skin when I was 25, it was no picnic year, but it was the year of huge change and I came out the other side closer to my dreams and goals than I ever have.
I’ve made mistakes, I’ve made accomplishments, and I’ve learned that I’m not quite whole again and that’s ok. I’ve come along way but let’s be honest nobody finds themselves completely in just a few months, you can’t just Eat, Pray, Love yourself into enlightenment no matter how easy Julia Roberts makes it seem.
I write a lot about what I learn, I also contradict myself with my own advice. Sometimes I go back to old posts and feel sick to my stomach. It’s funny when people tell me how much they like this blog and how “together” I seem, I always get this sheepish look on my face like I just farted in an elevator. I have my days where ya, I’m together…and then I have days where I feel like Courtney Love on a Sunday morning after a weekend in the Hollywood hills.
Maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration…but more recently I’ve started to see that it’s a constant battle between right or wrong, heart or mind, peanut butter or jam, Bowie or Mic, can’t I have both at the same time? Is that balance? Would Buddha choose Bowie?
In a year I’ve started from scratch and built a career out of all the different walks of life I’ve traveled, all the skills I didn’t realize I had, and mustered up a fire for myself I haven’t had in awhile. That’s the funny thing about growing up, you gain new insight but you still row a boat with past luggage that slows you down sometimes.
I could have never predicted my life would be like this at 26, not even last year when I started this blog would I have thought I’d be here. I’m happy, I’m insanely blown away, and I’m humbled by all the things that have happened. I’ve met some amazing people, I’ve met some inspiring people, and I’ve left some in the past. That’s another thing about life, when you let go of people and things it creates a space in yourself, a space that awaits new experiences whether your ready for them or not.
My career, my passion seems to be all I have room for at the moment and that’s ok because it fills me up better than any drink in the city. Running around with shopping bags, being on set, watching a photographer capture my work, it’s all I need. I recently put two commercials under my belt with shaw media I shot a bunch of creatives for my own book, and August is looking like a no sleep month. I want to be busy, I want to learn more, and I want to push myself harder. All I want is to style everyday, make a great living for myself and then once I reach that point I want to go bigger.
I’ve tried to fill space in my heart for someone else but it ended up leaving me more mixed about myself then anything could. I felt like I had an air horn that went off every time I sat down with someone, like I wanted to pull some inner fire alarm just before things got comfortable…I’m a psychiatrists wet dream.
This weekend was a cabaret of dancing, sailing and a lot of late night Chinese food…my stomach hates me today. My friend Kate threw an amazing birthday party for me and my friend Sarah as we are a day apart. I ended the night pool hopping with my best friend and new roommate Branko, we all got down to our birthday suits and swam around Christie pits out door pool until 4am…and that was just Friday.

I’m getting back to life now, as a 26 year old, no big deal…does this me I have to start watching Letterman and return my financial planners phone calls?

Happy Monday Lovelies, thanks for reading this for the past year 😉

P.s the photo below is of my dad Dave Tuninga, he’s a sailor and my hero, my photographer friend Thomas Dagg took this out on Lake Ontario. The photos above are of my dad when he was my age, my new tattoo, sailing outfit with proper knee ventilation, my friends on my boat and me as an over excited toddler.
If you ever, ya know, feel like seeing more photos you can follow me on Instagram @sailorparc and I occasionally tweet the odd thought @fameandshame on twitter.

– Casey Jane

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An Artists Addiction

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When I started styling I was nervous, curious, terrified, and excited before every shoot. That hasn’t changed much to where I am now, I still get goosebumps and have consecutive small heart attacks every time I go to a shoot. I love once I’m in the groove and the photographers have gotten to work, it’s the time where the panic stops and I genuinely feel like I’m on the best drugs in the world.
The downside…
When I don’t work I feel lost, I get anxious like a kid waiting to get on a ride at the fair. This week has been one where everything has gotten cancelled (no thanks to the epic flood Toronto had) and by Tuesday night I was convinced I was going bat shit crazy. All I could think about yesterday was my next job, where is it and when is it going to happen?
It’s a odd withdrawal, an emotional one that I’m still trying to process, the idea of being unemployed after every job is a crazy concept. It’s reality and to be honest I’m ok with the chaos right now, I always feel like summer should be chaotic, fun, but I never like my feet to stop moving for too long. I know that these times will happen, I can’t force it so I just have to create work for myself so that I am still doing my art.
I realized that little bit of learning after getting day drunk with Kate and my newly home bestie Sarah. The power had been blowing out all morning because of the mega flood Toronto had, it felt like Armageddon, well not really I’m being dramatic, but it was eerie. Everything along Queen West (including my place) was blacked out except…
Drum roll
The Wine Rack! They were only taking cash and were writing receipts by hand, such brave wonderful people, in a time of panic and fisher man overalls. Kate bought a magnum, if you don’t know what that is then I assume your one of those people who have a glass of wine and stop.
We are not those people…
So the three of us sat around in my living room drinking wine and talking about everything and anything, chain smoking and forgetting that it was a Tuesday. I don’t normally day drink, I feel like a…well a drunk.
Kate eventually went off to her class, best student ever, and Sarah and I went to find ice cream. We sat at Soho and Queen, people watched and commented on the lack of male eye candy. There’s something humbling about being drunk at 4pm trying to eat an ice cream cone in public, I also believe that every once in awhile it’s ok to go against the grain and act silly.
Ok enough about my view on artistic withdrawal, the above photos are from a shoot I did with Jane & Jane Photography. The model is the beautiful Michie from Next who blew me away with her natural talent. The clothing was mainly vintage pieces that were from my own stock wardrobe and my wonderful boss Marie Eve’s closet. I wanted to do a sixties vibe mixed with contemporary style, I got exactly what I wanted and this is by far one of my favourite shoots. It was one that made me see how much I’ve progressed in my work, it’s starting to become natural to me and I’m beginning to have a process. I can see myself getting better and that’s amazing because this is just another sign that I really am doing what I love, it makes my heart beat, it makes me want to live a life bigger then I ever could imagine.
It makes me happy writing this blog knowing that ill be able to look back on all these posts and see all the progression, all the rants, all the struggle, and laugh. Ill probably always laugh at myself because I’m usually a mess, but I know ill be successful in my art, ill be making a good living and creating beauty which truly makes me happy. This is the learning part, the part you constantly question yourself, the part that tests your passion everyday because let’s face it, it’s easier to just get a desk job.
I just shuddered at the thought of a desk job, seriously I told someone the other day that office buildings freak me out, I’d go nuts in a cubical. The only thing that I would accomplish in an office building is photocopying my butt and stealing office supplies.

Anyway we got this story published on Juried – The Jury which is a tumblr feed dedicated to art and photography, you can join their RSS feed or follow them on tumblr.

Thanks for reading about my little adventure towards artistic success, I really REALLY appreciate seeing my stats and knowing that people are reading and actually liking my writing…it’s kinda crazy.

Happy Thursday Lovelies

Here are some tunes for ya!

Jack Johnson – I got you
The Beatles – Cant buy me love
She & Him – You really got a hold on me
The Kooks – Ooh La
Foster the People – Don’t Stop