The Night Casey Jane Entered Stage Left and The Symphony Was Drunk.

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Enter stage left Ms Casey Jane sauntering into a bar after drinking a reverends wife’s yearly supply of wine. Thats 2 bottles and a magnum if you are wondering.The magnum is only when she holds her yearly Tupperware party with the ladies from her knitting club. Agnes is a REAL lush bag when they get into a biblical debate.We however drank all this before midnight, I even wore heels. Mainly because I wore them all day with no socks and didn’t want to alert the authorities that a dead body had been dumped on Queen West.

Entourage enters stage left consisting of one life partner named Justin Edwards. My incredible gay go getter that makes me feel like I’m fucking queen of the world, I also occasionally buy him brunch.
Its a rule between gay/straight life partners.
He took to the party like a conductor at a symphony and left on a man hunt faster than the road runner did when the coyote was getting too close. He’s also designing my apartment so he’s pretty much the full package and he’s mine you cant have him!

Our love is immaculate.

Anyway, I walked in thinking I would spend my time yelling derogatory slurs at my bar tending roommate. I thought I would sit down next to Meghan and get slapped and told how much she loved me. Hell I thought I would end up hammered in front of my oven cursing at it to make my pizza pockets faster.

And then, as if it was as natural as anything I sat down next to him.

Have you ever forgotten something? Like completely? Then out of the blue someone says something, shows you something or just is something and you wonder how you ever forgot it?

Funny isn’t it.

Over on Berkeley St I’ve become in love with putting my key in the door of my office every morning. Turning on the music, the lights, and now that spring is here opening the door to let the long awaited breeze flow in. The guys play fooseball late afternoon while the girls sit around our lounge area talking about escorts and prostitutes over lunch. We’re an amazing bunch that are creating extremely great work. The prostitute conversation expanded because of a mutual love for Pretty Woman, I mean Richard Gere…
COME ON!
I’d totally allow kissing.

Creative meetings, pitches, hallway conversations, conference calls filled with laughing and ideas. Our office is alive and I couldn’t be happier with where I am in life right now.

The homestead is still filled with the insanities of Casey and Tim trying to adult. We found out we have mice, so thats been fun. I keep naming them and then making a personal relationship with them, only I hate them.

Its hate.

Its a hate relationship.

Fred’s the worst cause he just sits in my kitchen staring at me like a smug fuck head.

The girls and I spent saturday getting day drunk and going to our friend Evely’s birthday party. We met for brunch and after the waitress feared we were getting sober poured us each a glass of wine all the way to the top. We ended up buying a birthday present consisting of a plant named Stuart McDick, a bouquet of Pussy Willows and a 4L box of white wine.

Looking back on it now its not a surprise the three of us ended up in a kiddy park trying to drive pedal cars…

Thats what the warm weather brings around here, well not belligerent females defacing a children’s playground. It just brings out life a little more, it brings people together longer and more intimate. My heart sings a lot louder when the sun hits my face when I crash out of my apartment at the start of the day. Warm weather means later nights in parks, longer sits on patios and backyard get togethers that make me you smile from the inside out. It also reminds me every single day I open my deer in headlight eyes that…

I am one lucky fucking bitch.

Spring is here Toronto.

Thanks for reading loves.

Tunes

Lord Huron – Meet Me In The Woods  My favourite album right now, in the words of my dear Kmo “Its my fucking favourite.”

Andy Shauf – Hometown Hero

Lord Huron – Luisa         Again, My fucking favourite.

Leon Bridges – River

Father John Misty – When You’re Smiling and Astride Me

Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors – American Beauty 

Drops of Jupiter & My Letter to T Swift





There I go again, abondoning you, taking away that stupid blog you read about a girl that shares her life more than most people would like. 

How could I be such a tease, like vegan brownies. They look good but taste like if dirt had an asshole. 

Life’s been no short of a shit storm, changes are just slapping me in the face and I kinda like it. I finally crawled out of my living room and managed to get hired at a marketing and advertising agency. 

BOOM! 

How the fuck did I pull that off? Being relentless and not settling for a job that wasn’t going to move me forward. Some of my friends will call me stubborn, and they are right. I’m the mule that will kick you if you try and move me anywhere I don’t want to go but I will lick your face after. 

There’s no real reason behind me licking your face…

In friendship land Tim has been a king amongst men during my slow climb towards an adulthood lifestyle. Our place is still non stop profanities and hilarity. 

Last weekend I hung out with Tim while he Dj’d a funk party in Kensington market. We priviously had dinner that consisted of many drinks, yours truly crushed a bottle of Spanish wine to herself. This lead to me making a VERY wine lipped video of myself singing to Train “Drops of Jupiter” while Tim was in the shower. I met Tim later as I needed to shower the early drunk off me and up my hydration levels. 

I like arriving to a bar tipsy so as not to draw attention to myself too soon. Well alone at least, if I’m with the girls it’s anyone’s bet the level of drunk we’ve reached. 

Anyway so there I am doing drink runs for Tim and myself dancing with strangers and making fun of 20 year olds trying to grind to funk music. The end of the night came pretty quick and we invited a few people over. 

It gets hazy here but stay with me.

I remember I was flying between my room and the living room talking to everyone. I might have told off one of Tims aquaintinces for asking me where he could do coke. I MIGHT have put my hand in his face and walked out of my room, I MIGHT have.

Quickly afte that I went and passed out on Tim which made him have to carry me to bed. On the way to my room I apparently decided this was the best time to do a scissor kick. Tim dropped me, obviously, I was like a drunk deer trying to escape from absolutely nothing. I hit the floor and rolled over to face Tim with one eye open and said

“Faggot.”

We both started laughing as he finally got me in bed where I then made him cuddle me until I passed out. 

CANT YOU FEEL THE FRIENDSHIP FEELS!?!?!?

I’m back to being the lovely single piece of work I’ve grown to prefer. I don’t know if it’s me or who I choose to date or just a random sequence of events but a relationship still isn’t on the board for me. 

Which leads me to my discovery of the new Taylor Swift 1989 album that just got released. Two summers ago I had the privilege to work for T Swift at the Rogers centre for her Red tour. I did wardrobe and at the time I was gloriously single and creating dramatic romances in my off time boredom. I didn’t spend much time with the girl but we shared a moment backstage. I gabbed about my sex life with her dancers, I don’t doubt she listened in. 

Now I’m listening to this album and start seeing that indeed T Swift has stolen my sex life chronicals. Let’s be real, she’s always been the girl next door, the sweet dreamer, and the highly emotional. Maybe she was just drawing a blank on her regular sweet romance songs. Regardless I have written Ms Swift a letter to ask for royalties for my life rights that I believe I deserve. 

Note: You might want to listening to the songs ‘Blank Space” and “Style” before reading this letter. 

Hey T Swift, 

How’s that new hairstyle working for you? I guess the bangs got kinda annoying after awhile, specially after I kept getting mistaken for you backstage.  You were cool about it though, you were even inviting and we let loose and shared relationship delemas. Member that long list of ex lovers I shared while helping you into that ball gown? The suit and ties I was running around with and how a couple of them used to proclaim often that I was insane? 

Loves a game huh? Bitch I taught you that game when you sent your bouncer out to get us cigarettes and weed. 

No Taylor, the worst has come and I am completely dumbfounded you turned my ongoing midnight male meet up into the pop dream that is “Style”.  It’s nothing new that every single girl has that one James Dean type that just shows up out of the blue every now and then. You know, the one you can’t not go home with even if you want to punch them for not calling you for months. I just don’t think you have it in you T Swift to pull something like this off without falling into a tub of ice cream in your unicorn pjs. 

Yes I know about the unicorn pjs.

So I’d  like my royalties made out in cash please. There’s no need to get dramatic about it, I get it, my stories are ridiculous inspirations for pop songs. I didn’t ask for this life but I’m living it out the best I can. 

You can keep the selfies I took with your phone, they are just of me on the toilet. 

Hang in there T Swift, one day you’ll be the harlequin you so badly want to be. Just ask Lindsey Lohan, I did wonders for her aside from being a drug hoovering crack bag. 

Your Bae, Casey Jane. 

Thanks for reading loves, I’ll be back more frequently. 

15 Times Your Friends Made You Understand Life Better Than Oprah

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First off, thank you to everyone who read and shared my last post on “27 Things You Can Still Do When You’re 27.”I have decided to continue writing in list format. I am an avid reader of the notorious time killing website Buzzfeed and have decided that not only are lists fun to write, they are also easy to edit.
Also because I’ve been making up lists since my last post, I’ve got some golden ones like,

“10 times your poop scared you into thinking about your life choices.”
Or
“20 times being drunk brought you closer to becoming the glorious human that you are.”

They’re good right?

RIGHT?!?!

Friends at this age are one of the most important parts of our lives. We tell them everything, they’re like a therapist who also needs a therapist that you get drunk with. They are the ones at 3am that suggest riding the elevator in their condo while hot boxing it is the only thing in life worth doing. They are also the ones that you can call on when you’re 3/4’s into a bottle of wine on a Tuesday. Maybe you just want to hear their voice, maybe something troubling happened in your job, or maaaaaybe you called your ex and left a drunken one way conversation on his answer machine.

Whatever that never happened…

Here’s the list,

15 Times Your Friends Made You Understand Life Better Than Oprah.

1. That time you all went out for lunch and just ended up ordering wine and talking about weird penises you’ve all encountered. I was once with a guy that had a penis that curved up…

It was like a boomerang, he wasn’t even Austrialian.

2. Having the comfort of knowing that every morning you will have at least one poop talk with one of your friends.

Fuck you webMD you don’t know what “normal” is.

3. When you and all your friends are poor but your combined poor ness equals a magnum of red wine.

“There are 5 of us and we all $3.00 so we can buy one magnum, MATH!”

4. Those moments at a bar when you all decide dancing with sweaters pulled over your heads is really, really funny.

“WE’RE HUMAN DISCO HELICOPTERS.”

And oddly no one got laid that night…

5. Drunk food missions, not one in particular, they all seem to go down the same way where one of you is yelling “I Love You” to a box of Pad Thai while you all zig zag along Queen West.

6. When you have to move, your friends will always help for pizza and beer.

Well unless you’re moving onto the 5th floor of a walk up. I want strippers and blow for dealing with that shit.

7. Saying “Remember that time?” And referencing 12 years ago when you all got wasted and ended up rolling down the hill of Riverdale park at 1am.

8. Having that best friend who’s the opposite sex that knows all your gross habits and relationship anxieties.

These are usually the friends you make a “If we’re still single at 40” pact with because the free fall into spinsterhood is a terrifying thought.

9. That moment after you all eat a massive amount of food and start to compare and name your food babies.

If you don’t know what a food baby is than you have what I believe is called “self control.”

10. That constant fear that one day, at anytime, one of your best friends will take that leap and send you a photo of their poop.

I live everyday like it’s my last…

11. Farts will always be funny with your besties.

“I had to leave my apartment…it was that bad.”

12. That time you needed an alibi to get out of a work conference and had your friend pretend to be your doctor.

“Yes I am afraid she has herpies on her knees.”

13. Always having people that give just as less fucks as you.

“I was going to shower and then I realized all I had to do today was meet up with you.”

14. One of you ALWAYS has a flask on them because you never know.

You never know.

15. Those moments when life’s got you down and you see your best pal update their Instagram with a photo of them on the toilet at work.

It’s the little things in life.

The Lovely Self Saboteur

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Christmas and New Years are now over and everyone in Toronto is nursing a hangover. The holidays are always a little hard for me, I’m usually broke and going through freelance vacancy. This year was nice as I played host to my family. My Oma (which is Dutch for Grandmother) was diagnosed with Dementia this year, its been really hard to see her mind go deeper into the disease. She isn’t at the point where she doesn’t know who we are but she still has moments where she thinks shes been robbed. Luckily my family has a great sense of humor and are quick to turn a somewhat sad moment into a punch line.

Booze also helps.

Now if you think I was able to pull off an entire Christmas dinner you clearly also believe that I am a 4 foot old Asian man. There is no way this lady can orchestrate the cooking of a 10 pound turkey with even the idea of putting my hand up its ass and stuffing it full of bread crumbs and rosemary. My family had taken the safe road and decided to order our meal from a restaurant. All I had to do was pour myself a glass of wine and throw everything neatly packed into the oven with very clear temperature directions. I had some anxieties about over cooking the turkey but it tasted amazing and so the rest of the family shenanigans were able to continue.

5 Tuninga things that happened that night.

1. My Oma got too drunk and had to take a nap in my room under all our coats.
2. My Dad for the first time called me a bitch for convincing my brother to eat a quarter when he was 5 years old. I had not realized he didn’t know I was behind the whole thing.
3. My brother calling my dads phone saying he was on his way and my dad answering his phone “Gangster” by saying loudly “Motherfucker”.
4. It only took us 5 minutes to roll a joint after knowing my Oma was fast asleep.
5. I ended up falling asleep on my floor until my roommate put me to bed.

Needless to say we were all very hungover Christmas Day.

I woke this morning and went for a run, I almost threw up, I was at the 3k mark and started to feel the toll of the last couple weeks. In the past month I’ve found out I’m loosing my assisting job, I was broken up with, and my family has been going through a landslide of developing mental illnesses. I thought I could just push myself through it, go to all the holiday parties with a smile and shrug it off.

It doesn’t work like that though, next thing you know you wake up in your bed not knowing how you even got there. As you know I am now 27 and realistically should not be wondering where my feet have taken me the night before. I am one of those lovely self saboteur’s that when things get bad I make them worse. Every time I lift myself out of a spell like this I tell myself “never again” and I launch myself back into a positive place. It keeps happening, I’ve been trying to break this cycle for years and I think it was worse this time because I was finally feeling like I had my life together.

Clearly I was not anywhere near where I am supposed to be. I have this theory that if you ignore your gut long enough it will make decisions for you. I knew deep down that all these things were meant to happen but the problem is I get so swept up in the emotion of drastic change that I forget to look at it rationally. I go back to being a joke at a party, I dress myself up only to hide the freak outs that are going on in my head. I know what I need to change but I don’t feel like I deserve to make the change.

I was never good at taking the easy road, actually I’m not even good at finding it.

I’m by no means playing a pity card or trying to sound like a victim. These are all choices I actively made, its the bad habits that I let happen again and again. I’m aware of them, I just don’t always listen to them and that is when I get hurt or hurt someone else. Whether it be a stranger or a close friend, unintentionally they get wrapped up in my mission to fuck myself up.

It’s a wake up call that should not be ignored.

The silver lining is that throughout this month I still can clearly see that beautiful little life I want to lead. I can still see all the possibilities and opportunities that could come my way. Not once do I ever say “I give up” to myself and I believe its because I still love myself under all this crap shoot drama I make. I know I am a good person, I have the most wonderful people around me. My biggest fear is that my sabotaging habits will push these beautiful people away from me, I think that is one of the main things that snap me back to reality.

I know I am not alone in feeling like this from time to time. I know I am not the first 27 year old woman to look at their life and wonder how the fuck they got there. I spend hours thinking about all my good qualities and all my faults, I do the balancing act of which qualities come out more. I’m trying to focus on my strengths but having self doubt as an artist just adds to the struggling motivation. I sometimes feel like the dumbest person alive, like I missed the boat on living a normal life, I worry I missed the boat on a lot of things.

Although I can look at an article of clothing, take it home, and create my own version of it. I can look at a photograph and paint it almost exactly the same. I can people watch or read something that helps me create a story through clothing on a freelance styling job. I can see a display in a window on Queen Street and recreate it in my apartment for my roommate and I to enjoy. Better yet I can look around at my apartment, the clothes I own, the food I eat, that all comes from me being creative. I make a living and I choose to make a living creating things. Its not the easiest profession, a lot of people think you’re crazy, a lot of people think you’re lucky, and some have no idea how your life is lived.

I’m excited for the New Year, I wouldn’t mind a fresh new slate. I’ll spend the next couple days letting go of negative things, writing out all the things I want for 2015, and telling the people that matter to me how important they are in my life. There is a lot of potential out there if you work for it.The things that are worth the most are sometimes the things you put everything on the line for, they are the things in life that make it worth living. This year I am going to work for everything, my family, my friends, and my career, maybe even a relationship.

Life goes on and I don’t want to be the one left behind.

 

Ben Howard – Conrad 

Gary Clark Jr – Things are Changing

Hozier  – Work Song

 

European log 002: Berlin

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I just woke up in a sea of my two cowl scarves on a train in the middle of the German country side. Completely delirious, sleep deprived, and dealing with a butt cramp and a uterus that seems to be mimicking the gates of hell.

Berlin is over and Paris is somewhere between wherever here is and wherever there might be.

I sit here as Liz folds herself over and over again in her seat to gain a little more sleep before a train change in about an hour. I’ve opted to write insanities and my reflection on the German city we just spent ten days in instead.

Seems like the logical thing when your brain has no filter right?

Berlin took a bit to warm up to, it’s a hard city filled with graffiti, remnants of intense political history, and beer bottles literally everywhere. Smoking is a normality and the mere thought of a health risk is looked upon with a scoff only the Germans could pull off. It’s got a sense of rebellious freedom that reminds you that this city was once, not long ago, under war with itself.

On our second day we were taken to a party in a building of what seemed like a industrial highway. We got up to the spray painted metal doors being causally guarded by a man that looked like he fought bears for fun. He explained quickly that we would be searched and what to expect. I could here the booming of deep electronic music coming from inside. The walls were dirty, there was smoke billowing in every direction, and I began wondering what the fuck I was about to experience.

We turned the corner and I was immediately hit with scenes from True Detective when they sneak into that underground biker gang party. Only instead of bikers picture drugged out gay guys in every kind of outfit you could imagine. Bondage, drag, punk, metal, goth, and the infamous vogue look.

Needless to say I sat on a bench and chained smoked while wondering if Berlin was going to be this every night. I partied really hard when I was younger, I’ve done the drug scene, I’ve done the 24 hour partying. I was not about to revisit those days of bug eyed drug glory thinking I was Queen of the world while discussing the universe with my friend naked in a bath tub.

It didn’t end up being that at all and Liz and I realized it on day three when we were met with a relaxing market day and outdoor karaoke. Our lovely host Benji, originally from France, took good care of us. We got the whole spectrum of living in Berlin and the social history and culture of its mid twenty year olds.

What can I say I learned on this trip so far?

I’m really fucking good at adapting and as long as I’m experiencing true life and not dealing with dramatic idiocies I’m unstoppable. There have been moments where I’ve had to remind myself of patience, I’ve had to remind myself of honesty and that everything does indeed happen for a reason.

I’m not a complainer and therefore it’s pretty easy to bring me anywhere. I’ve adapted to eating mainly vegetarian and vegan as my travel companion is pretty strict on her diet. I’ve embraced the concept of couch surfing which has turned out to be an incredible aspect of this trip. I’ve learned to leave my ego at the door and except help when I really needed it even if I fought hard not to admit it. Most of all though I’ve been very good at knowing my limitations and when to give myself time, space, and rest.

If I didn’t learn the last three things I think this trip would have lost it’s lustre back in Holland. I’m not about to run myself into the ground because I’m in Europe and feel the need to see everything.

I’ll see what I’m meant to see and above anything this is a vacation which should be little to no stress involved. I’ve certainly have had to remind myself of that a few times. I don’t think I’ve properly given myself a vacation in the last two years so it’s been strange to not have to worry about much. Our main concern most days is where to buy cheap wine and how many bizarre and hilarious tinder matches Liz can get.

It’s been interesting seeing our different lifestyles collide and run parallel throughout this trip. We are both incredibly different but in the same way have so many similarities. I’m a house cat that needs my down time, I need to reflect and I move at a calm slow pace most of the time. Liz is an ally cat, she’s needs the night life and sometimes I feel like I can actually feel her brain moving at the speed of light. It’s something that works both ways and we both, luckily, have the loving eyes to see that in each other.

Don’t get me wrong there have been times when we’ve needed to get away from each other, there’s been times where feelings have been hurt, and there have been times of different prerogatives. I’ve just realized we are both strong enough women to handle balancing our independent qualities with teamwork.

Paris is our next and final stop on this 26 day adventure and I’m excited to sit on my little balcony and get incredibly day drunk. I’m excited to go for long walks on my own and have a latte by the river. This is last blast of relaxation. The last thing I want to do is stand in a cue to watch a bunch of Asian tourist snap photos of a less than impressive Mona Lisa.

Seriously she’s like the size of a fucking postcard…

I want to get lost on cobblestone streets and get yelled at by an old Parisian woman for no apparent reason. I want to witness men peeing into sewer grates and whistling at the beautiful women riding their bikes dressed better than any Toronto Fashion Week attendee.

And then I want to go home, back to the job I love, back to the amazing friends and family I have. I want to go back with ease and harness the inspiration I’ve obtained from this trip. I can’t wait to go back to a relationship that has only become stronger during my time here. I’m ready to take my career to the next step and reach a new level of focus.

This trip has been everything I could have asked for and it’s rewarding to know that it’ll always be apart of my life and my story. Travel is now a big part of my life and a very important one. I plan on doing it as much as possible in the next coming years.

That’s a promise I’ve made to myself.

With that I’m off to catch another train across the Parisian country side and to hopefully stretch out my butt cramp.

Thanks for reading lovelies

Tunes (listened to this whole record while on the train strongly recommended)

Vance Joy – Mess is Mine
Vance Joy – Georgia
Vance Joy – My Kind of Man
Vance Joy – Wasted Time