The Night Casey Jane Entered Stage Left and The Symphony Was Drunk.

SMASH…

Enter stage left Ms Casey Jane sauntering into a bar after drinking a reverends wife’s yearly supply of wine. Thats 2 bottles and a magnum if you are wondering.The magnum is only when she holds her yearly Tupperware party with the ladies from her knitting club. Agnes is a REAL lush bag when they get into a biblical debate.We however drank all this before midnight, I even wore heels. Mainly because I wore them all day with no socks and didn’t want to alert the authorities that a dead body had been dumped on Queen West.

Entourage enters stage left consisting of one life partner named Justin Edwards. My incredible gay go getter that makes me feel like I’m fucking queen of the world, I also occasionally buy him brunch.
Its a rule between gay/straight life partners.
He took to the party like a conductor at a symphony and left on a man hunt faster than the road runner did when the coyote was getting too close. He’s also designing my apartment so he’s pretty much the full package and he’s mine you cant have him!

Our love is immaculate.

Anyway, I walked in thinking I would spend my time yelling derogatory slurs at my bar tending roommate. I thought I would sit down next to Meghan and get slapped and told how much she loved me. Hell I thought I would end up hammered in front of my oven cursing at it to make my pizza pockets faster.

And then, as if it was as natural as anything I sat down next to him.

Have you ever forgotten something? Like completely? Then out of the blue someone says something, shows you something or just is something and you wonder how you ever forgot it?

Funny isn’t it.

Over on Berkeley St I’ve become in love with putting my key in the door of my office every morning. Turning on the music, the lights, and now that spring is here opening the door to let the long awaited breeze flow in. The guys play fooseball late afternoon while the girls sit around our lounge area talking about escorts and prostitutes over lunch. We’re an amazing bunch that are creating extremely great work. The prostitute conversation expanded because of a mutual love for Pretty Woman, I mean Richard Gere…
COME ON!
I’d totally allow kissing.

Creative meetings, pitches, hallway conversations, conference calls filled with laughing and ideas. Our office is alive and I couldn’t be happier with where I am in life right now.

The homestead is still filled with the insanities of Casey and Tim trying to adult. We found out we have mice, so thats been fun. I keep naming them and then making a personal relationship with them, only I hate them.

Its hate.

Its a hate relationship.

Fred’s the worst cause he just sits in my kitchen staring at me like a smug fuck head.

The girls and I spent saturday getting day drunk and going to our friend Evely’s birthday party. We met for brunch and after the waitress feared we were getting sober poured us each a glass of wine all the way to the top. We ended up buying a birthday present consisting of a plant named Stuart McDick, a bouquet of Pussy Willows and a 4L box of white wine.

Looking back on it now its not a surprise the three of us ended up in a kiddy park trying to drive pedal cars…

Thats what the warm weather brings around here, well not belligerent females defacing a children’s playground. It just brings out life a little more, it brings people together longer and more intimate. My heart sings a lot louder when the sun hits my face when I crash out of my apartment at the start of the day. Warm weather means later nights in parks, longer sits on patios and backyard get togethers that make me you smile from the inside out. It also reminds me every single day I open my deer in headlight eyes that…

I am one lucky fucking bitch.

Spring is here Toronto.

Thanks for reading loves.

Tunes

Lord Huron – Meet Me In The Woods  My favourite album right now, in the words of my dear Kmo “Its my fucking favourite.”

Andy Shauf – Hometown Hero

Lord Huron – Luisa         Again, My fucking favourite.

Leon Bridges – River

Father John Misty – When You’re Smiling and Astride Me

Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors – American Beauty 

Stranded in the Nevada Desert Drunk Telling Folk Stories

 Adulthood, its a trial and error of vast levels, like being put in a barrel and rolled down a hill. If you don’t vomit you’ll get that promotion you wanted. I’ve been living the life of the weekend warrior playing socialite and party monster while keeping up an important work ethic during the week. I’m learning more then I ever have and its incredibly terrifying. The learning Im going to have to seek is daunting, but the results are what make me smile in the morning on a rainy Monday.

The love life?

I want it to feel like Lord Hurons new album sounds, I want it to blind side me like the bottle of Basil Hayden’s Bourbon did when I bought it last week. I took it home and basked in its romantic tango with the melodies coming from my new itunes purchase.

I’m describing bourbon and music as my compromise to my failing love life…

I’m figuratively stranded in the god damn Nevada desert drunk telling folk stories.

I’m stubborn as fuck, which makes it hard to settle for anything that doesn’t make me have that “short of breath” feeling. Why not wait and kill time cock blocking your guy friends and coming home to sit in front of your oven patiently waiting for your Hawaiian pizza pockets?

There is NOTHING wrong with that, although your guy friends might start to not include you in their outings. Unless you live with one of them and chain smoke at the dinner table on a Tuesday morning while he’s attempting to seal a deal.

She sounded like Swedish Minnie Mouse, who sounds like that?

Femme Bots, thats who.

If anything I saved his life from his dick getting vaporized, I am such a good roommate and friend.

“Self high-five.”

I’m starting to figure out the balance and shift from the fashion world, I like this new world. I like the creative possibilities and the people that are drawn to it. I feel like I made the best decision I’ve ever made for myself and Im fucking terrified of it. I’m insanely excited and inspired but its like walking blind folded into a mine field. I’m trying to man the fuck up as fast as I can, the environment adjustment is the biggest.

Don’t get me wrong, its the best environment I could have asked for, I was meant to be here. There is not one doubt about that, however finding my place in it all has taken some time. I’m an attentive sweet little lady but I’m also a creative nut bag and realizing during the week I have to balance that is a hard shift. I have the work ethic of a Wall Street banker but if I haven’t fully gotten a system down the creative comes out and wants to wander.

I’ll get there, I’m meant to get there.

This past weekend I spent with my roommate Tim spontaneously getting the number 6 and an arrow tattooed on us with his sister Molly. Prior to this I was drinking champagne in Bellwoods while my dearest Meghan shot a bubble gun at me. The weekends are becoming memories I could never buy, the realization we are all growing up. Bigger moments and benchmark events are beginning to happen, huge chapters are being written.

Meghan’s getting married, every time I think about that I get this feeling I’ve never felt before. Its like being to a country you’ve never been before.

One of those moments you actually feel life happening.

It like that moment you have with your parents where you understand they are human, the hero’s are mortal and there is so much understanding and appreciation for that.

The thing we all have to remember is to keep being spontaneous, keep living in the moment when you have one. Make time for them, from the finger tips of a hopeless romantic I beg you to take chances. Realize moments you would normally be distracted by your phone. Remember at the other side of that dating app is a real human being and live a little, its not a game and its ruining our ability to communicate.

I sink myself into a feeling and this summer I truly believe a lot of us are going to shed the vulnerability and enjoy the wonderful lives we all lead.

Why not?

At the end of it all we are all looking for the happiest we can possibly be.

Thanks for reading Lovelies

Xox

Tunes – Also I don’t know if I’ve said this but these songs are a big part of my writing process. I’m also someone who can’t have silence, I drive my friends nuts with always trying to find a plug in for my iphone.

Elvis Presley – Mystery Train  

Lord Huron – Luisa 

Death cab For Cutie – You’ve Haunted Me All My Life

Max Frost – Let Me Down Easy 

Lord Huron – Fool For Love

St Paul and The Broken Bones – It’s Midnight

The Unemployed Truth

Remember the darling Holly Golightly?

The real phoney of New York City that took herself to Tiffany’s window display anytime she had a “red day?”

I’ve been having my fair share of red days lately and I’m not really into believing a jewelry store will fix any of it. Maybe if I were there to successfully rob the place and head to Mexico…

Maybe then I’d be more inclined to visit the place.

No sparkling display is going to snap me out of the reality that I’m broke, jobless and in another slew of panic attacked mornings. When you can’t make rent and or cellphone payment your brain becomes a calculator of eternity. No matter what opportunities you uncover that little black cloud follows reminding you of the obvious.

You’re broke and bills are piling up, now what are you doing about it?

Unfortunately sending out over 70 resumes doesn’t quite put my mind at ease. I know I’m supposed to be patient but when you can’t leave your house because the grocery store doesn’t except I.O.U’s it’s a weight I can’t explain.

Although, through it all I won’t give up, because deep down, there is always foresight. There is always this vision that plays out if I just keep going. I’ve read about the persistence, the passion, and the patience it’s taken many other successful people to get to where they stand now.

It’s still fucking hard and anyone that tells you different is sniffing glue.

Being unemployed is a funny activity to take part in everyday, you do some weird shit when you’ve got nothing else to do. I get up usually with the hope that I’ll have a reply to the thousands of jobs I’ve applied to. Once the reality that no one gives a fuck about my ability to curate visuals sets in I then take to my couch.

There a lot of things you do when unemployed.

1. Attempt to make your resume “stand out” against the masses of other unemployed creatives. Maybe put in bold at the top MAGIC MONKEY NUTS to get their attention.

2. Creep the shit out of every company and it’s top employees on LinkedIn. If you’re really good you find them on Facebook with a recent Saturday night photo of them drunkenly pole dancing at the Hideout on Queen street.

Screen shot it and if things get real bad use it as leverage, it’s a dog eat dog world out there.

3. Update your website of any new and obviously pro bono work you’ve done.
I wonder if lawyers ever stage court hearings in their living room with other unemployed lawyers and judges like photographers and Stylist do?

4. Walk over to your fridge for the 100th time to make sure your food hasn’t moved places and that mouldy thing in a Tupperware container is still in fact really gross.

5. Have every job searching platform open on your computer and strongly debate applying to bottle girl jobs at night clubs with names like “TRA$E” or “Liquid night club”. Only because you know you’d make your rent, bills, and a possible vacation in one night of putting up with a sea of douche bags revved on G and Patron.

6. Call your parents and tell them casually that your landlord is coming to shoot out your knee caps so you won’t be joining them for Sunday dinner. Immediately following you check your bank account to see if they fell for your pitiful cry for help.

They didn’t because you’re an “adult” now.

7. While checking your almost empty bank account you see a glimmer of hope in the form of a government deposit of 60 dollars. You then hit the grocery store and wine wrack as you haven’t actually been outside in two days.

8. Go home and tell yourself you won’t open the wine until you send out 10 more resumes.

9. You open the wine and find out that hoarders is now on Netflix and applying to that knitting store can seriously go fuck itself.

You worked hard today, it’s drink to forget time.

To all my unemployed compadres I am with you, we must stand together in these long days of randomness and uncertainties. We must all support each other and regale in stories of weird new hobbies we’ve taken up to have something to talk about with friends.

We are all together on this…

Unless I see you at a job interview, then I’m slipping laxatives into your coffee when you’re not looking.

Dog eat dog world.

What the Fuck Am I Doing? A 27 Year Olds Dilemma.

I have gone under the radar again as far as wanting to share my life lately. I can’t say since I’ve been back things went right back to normal. They all changed as they do at this stage in my little existence. It’s funny looking back at myself, it’s embarrassing how many things I ignored that were so blatantly wrong. Being away from home for 26 days didn’t seem to have changed me much when I was in the thick of it.

I came back to a new roommate and adjusted accordingly, actually very comfortably. I really lucked out with Tim and I know he lucked out with me.

“Cough”

Because I’m awesome.

“Cough”

I guess we both were meant to end up under the same roof because it’s been so lovely in my humble downtown apartment. By lovely I mean the two of us laughing until our faces hurt. I feel like I’m back in my acting days making up voices, tag lines, and puns that make Tim’s face contort into someone who’s having a stroke. I love nothing more than to be a full blown idiot in my house and it’s nice to have someone who shares in it. Tim’s already had to carry me to bed, let me in because I forgot my keys, and more consistently dealt with me hungover.

Needless to say we are getting along swimmingly.

In booze.

It’s winter, we all turn into functioning alcoholics this time a year, it’s the spirit of Christmas!

I recently received the title of single again in the last few weeks which wasn’t the worst. The first two days I went into full female breakup mode, you know, wear the same sweater/yoga pant ensemble while your friends funnel wine down your throat.

At that point I thought about how I really felt, away from the comfort of companionship, away from the prospects, away from the fear of being alone.

Was I really happy?

The answer was no, I wasn’t anymore.

I’m at a point now where I ask myself this question a lot to kind of let my gut have a moment to put her two cents in. I sometimes ignore it or Im well aware that something needs to change. Sometimes it does this real fun thing where it makes the decision you won’t make regardless of your actions. Those are the times you learn something, at least for me it’s always another hint that I need to listen to myself just a little harder.

I’m ok being alone as long as I’m happy, I’m not shutting myself down either. I made a promise to myself that I would never allow something in my past to affect a new opportunity. I’d never want that done to me and yet it has been done to me a few times. It’s no biggy, people just have a hard time letting go, they don’t give themselves time to do it, it’s a really sad thing.
So here I am hurdled back into single-hood having to make sure my hair is brushed and socks are matched. Ok, the sock matching is never going to happen because clearly ALL my socks divorce one another once they reach the laundry mat.

That reminds me I have to put socks on my wish list…

Work life is all over the map right now, I’m in a vortex of transition. I find being 27 is a roller coaster of “WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING” moments mixed with social dilemmas of “How much wine do I have to drink to be brave enough to talk to that cute guy?”
I want to go back into costuming, I miss story telling with clothing, I miss the work ethic and the environment. My training has always stemmed from my love for the stage, that’s how this whole wardrobe love started. It’s not an easy transition to make in this economy, in this overly competitive, who you know society.

However I do have this annoying habit of being relentless in getting what I want.

I blame being a Leo and a product of an Irish woman and Dutch man.

I’m back to freelancing, I’ll be in survival mode for the next month but things always have a way of leading me to where I need to be. I’ll reach out to those who have helped me in the past, I’ll bombard the internet with my CV and website, and I’ll be patient. In the meantime I’ll be back to making money here, there, and everywhere.

Tonight will be the girls annual secret Santa and we’ve all agreed to make a gift. Needless to say we’ll probably all be getting Pinterest fails while each gift comes with a bottle of wine as an apology for the ball of glue and glitter given. By the end of the night we’ll all be in animal onesies explaining the process of creating each horrendous craft.

I love my friends.

They are what make me believe I’m a good person and that I do attract the love that I put out. Seeing my close friends interact at this stage in my life is incredible. I know I’m loving because they are, I know I’m strong because each one of them exudes it, and I know I care about myself because they really care about themselves.

You can’t have friends like that unless you can give yourself that same love. I’m convinced that even in my most doubtful moments I think about who I have around me and know everything will be ok. I know my friends are loyal and always will be. They are a constant reminder of how much I have to take care of myself and take care of their friendship.

It’s family after all.

Happy Holidays Lovelies,

I’ll be hosting the Tuninga family dinner this year so I’ll be sure to report back with pictures of my father parading around in an Ozzy Osbourne wig screaming “MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS”.

Paris Happened, I’m Back to Reality, Shits Getting Real.

Paris was everything anyone has ever said about Paris, that’s why people love it, it’s a sure thing. I’m not saying that in a bad way, it was romantic and fairytale like. Our apartment was situated in the heart of said la la land and we spent our last days in Europe soaking up ALL the wine, pastries, ALL the baguette, and ALL the cheese.

The problem with this blog sometimes is that I usually write it in the moment of something in my life. In Paris I was writing the Berlin blog and by the time I got home I was hit with so much that Paris literally felt like a dream. I will also mention that coming home after 26 days really makes you want to turn everything off and slip into that bed you forgot you owned. I was lucky my boyfriend chose to stick around and was willing to hack it long distance styles with me. It’s not common to find someone who knows the value of travel and the value of you.

I came home to a new roommate, he’s non stop hilarity in all the good ways. I swear our first night was spent laying on the floor, drinking bourbon, and chain smoking until 4am. We’ve actually known each other and been buddies since the 9th grade. Yup, became close friends when we were pimply, I had braces, and awkward as fuck. We also dated and went to prom together. That ended in us downing a Micky of whiskey each, getting into a huge fight in the middle of a street in the beaches, and both of us going home with someone else.

It’s amazing how time and maturity can create a lasting bond right?

My career…well has taken a little detour, as it should, because you should never get too comfortable. Maybe I should never get too comfortable, it seems whenever I do shit hits the fan and I’m scrambling for an umbrella. It’s not a bad thing, it’s a learning thing, it’s a chance to grow thing, and it’s a time to get my big head out of the clouds thing.

At these crisis moments I always take a step back and go over all my work, I make lists of the skills I’ve learned so far, and I look at the brand of me that I’ve made. Usually at this point I have a hundred cigarettes and wonder how the hell I got to this point. I start thinking about all the things that have happened to me in the last 2 years, the wine gets opened, and it’s 9:30pm on a Tuesday with me drunk listening to folk music surrounded by papers.

It’s like a scene right out of the coo coo’s nest…

The next day is when I start the actual rational work, you know, look for opportunities, not drunk. I love the job I have now, I get to do every aspect of my talent, I just want more. My boss is one of my favourite humans, he’s fair, he teaches me, and he respects work ethic. Even if I’m off and I get stir crazy I can go in to the studio and create something. However like any business you need to be inspired, you need new surroundings to add to growth. This is my next step, I think at least, to go out and learn more skills. I know there are some crucial career moves I still need to make and I can’t if I don’t have the tools to do it with. It’s fucking terrifying, I have to learn software programs, I have to learn more about photography, I have to learn how to fully grade a pattern.

What the fuck did I get myself into…

Makes me wish this were like the movies and I could play the next couple months out through a montage.

That is totally one wish I would use if I found a genie in a bottle, montage abilities, uh win. And obviously you could pick the song that was going to play out, that’s essential.

Unfortunately I’ll have to play all this out in real time, I have until March to learn some new skills. It’s winter time, what else realistically will I be doing? Drinking wine, making soup, and learning design software.

Guys, I’m so cool.

I’m going to woo the boyfriend with sultry text messages about French sewing stitches and my ability to add layers to a PDF file.

To be real though, this is actually terrifying while simultaneously exciting. I don’t want to make this seem like it was an easy decision. Half of it I barely had a choice in, when you know, you just know. It’s like anything else, when you know you like someone, you know. If you are a mature adult, have self awareness then these things become loud and clear. You stop wasting time on the half assed feelings about anything and everything.

If you are half adult and an aware female you go through a obstacle course of emotions before you realize anything and everything that actually matters.

I knew for awhile that I needed to take a step back, it was a fight with my ego. It was silly thinking I could coast on everything I’ve built so far, it’s not enough. I have the talent of learning creative skills and I learn them pretty quickly when I get my drive in the right place. I know what I am capable of and I’m glad I have the life alarm bells that tell me when it’s time to switch up the game.

Time for more hard work, much more wine, and by March I’ll have a new batch of skills to put towards the professional artist title I so boldly hold.

If you need me I’ll be the jittery one in a giant blanket scarf in the corner of Jimmy’s coffee shop in the market.

Tunes
Gregory Alan Isakov – Dandelion Wine
Ezra Vine – Celeste
Pieta Brown & Amos Lee – Do you know

The Weaker-than

If anyone ever tells you that your mid twenties will be a breeze should be slapped in the facecloth a bag of Rama noodles. It’s an incredible time to fail miserably and try and gather all the learning from said failure. The last week has been tough and I’ve had to be humbled by the reality that I’m still learning how to do my job, how to work and live as freelance, and I’m still learning how to, what’s that word?
…budget.
It’s been tough, exciting and relentlessly challenging the last month. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to throw in the towel and go back to waiting tables…which isn’t the worst thing but I can’t and I won’t. I’m someone who is really hard on themselves as far as maturity and what I expect from myself, I rarely give myself a pat on the back because its usually never enough.
I always go to my superiors for advice and the same thing is said to me,
“Case, its about persistence, patience, and passion.”
And that’s about it, you chose what you want to do in life, everyday you make choices that either move you forward or keep you in one spot. I could choose to walk away from this, attempt to get a desk job where I have my own cubical and the anticipation of a beer lunch on Fridays. I have every power to just say no this is silly and a waste of time, I’m not the best so why struggle?
I can’t…there’s a point where no matter how scary and hard the road ahead looks its far greater then the knowledge of giving up.
I read this article the other day that called my generation “The Peter Pan” generation (25-35 year olds) we are a bunch of lost boys and girls. We don’t want to commit to anything, we don’t want to become our parents, we don’t want to buy a house, and we certainly can’t even fathom the thought of children…that word makes my lady bits want to run and hide. It’s true, I see it in my friends, myself, I see it in past relationships and the way our culture is nowadays. We don’t want to give up our youthful freedom to become our over worked parents that are from of generation of high divorce rates and mortgages. We have all the possibilities in the world and we are told that daily, we can create our own jobs from the passions we carry.
Honestly…Never Never Land never looked so inviting.
Now there are a few of us that have joined the ranks. They have smartened up to reality and realized they’d rather do something that makes them money and you know…a future. They get to go to Ibiza once a year, have a nice car and a sweet pad in liberty village. Some of them buckled down in their early twenties and got the job they thought or actually wanted and to you I tip my cap!
I did not do any of the above, I was running around Toronto performing in comedy troupes and drinking away my paycheques thinking I was an artist…I was and still am, however now I’m 26 and I feel like my clocks ticker is getting louder. I bounced around too many times, I didn’t stick with something long enough for it to become anything more then a gig. I supported myself through it all and obviously did not give two shits about future Casey, she seemed lame and unimportant. Now I look back at past Casey and I wish I could hit her in her free spirited face.
I was trying to figure what to write about since I haven’t posted anything in two weeks, I wanted to talk about all the exciting things I’ve done. I wanted to talk about how much fun it is living with my best friend Kmo, how I have an insanely fun social life, and how I’m personally figuring out what it is I want for me right now. I have a group of girl friends that keep me alive (literally) and keep me laughing through all the tough times. I have a group of guy friends that keep my life exciting and fun, not to mention they are all complete sweethearts, I’ve never pool hopped so much in my life!
There are many many things I’m grateful for and sometimes I forget that life is amazing and things will get easier and harder at the same time…that’s life and we’ve just been spoiled with the thought that we can have it all. Maybe we can, maybe that’s why so many of us are struggling because we just want the exact life we painted in our minds. Hopefully 5 years from now I can look back at all this and laugh, call myself a whiney bitch and sit back knowing that it was all worth it.

So if any of you are feeling the pressures of a career that’s not traditional, a rent that is a monthly heart attack, and a life that seems like a constant struggle, be thankful for it. I am everyday and though I give myself mild anxiety and feel like a tragic beat poet I wouldn’t want any other life. Ill get by as does everyone else, ill learn to work harder and smarter, and ill get there eventually because Rome wasn’t built in day and neither is a career.

Persistence, Patience, and Passion.

Happy Wednesday Lost Boys and Girls

Xoxo
– Casey Jane

Currently

Currently this week has been over far too soon, I’ve been running around all week getting together clothing for a shoot I have with Jane & Jane photography. I’m also working on three more creative shoots and one big ad campaign with my amazing boss Marie Eve Tremblay
I’m also condo and dog sitting for dear Kmo (Kate, my hilarious best friend and comedy partner in crime) so that’s been like staying in a hotel for the week.
I went out on Monday night with my best man in the whole world Branko, we’ve been causing trouble together for 10 years now. We went to the piston to hear some music and I drank far too many red wines, however it did keep Branko entertained by constantly plotting skittles in the bottoms of my glass all night….I can’t eat skittles ever again.
I love where I am at right now with my career, it’s starting to unfold and I’m working so hard to keep myself in the moment while constantly staying ahead of my schedule. It’s a lonely road being freelance but I wouldn’t have it any other way right now, I really do cherish my alone time these days.

Oh and one more thing, Cashmo (my comedy duo) has released a live performance video recording of our latest show, you can watch all three songs here.

b

The Rob Ford Song
Not Your Poo
Mable Geraldine

Let me know what you think, oh and also all you Torontonians…I know today has been filled with Rob Ford doing crack, an earthquake (which I did not feel) and its the Friday before the long weekend. Lets all just take a moment and be thankful we live in such exciting times…right?

Happy Friday Lovelies, dance your little pants off tonight!

– Casey Jane