Winter has decided to stick around like an awful hangover fart. It’s relentless this year and I think a lot of people are starting to actually loose their minds over it. I get it, I hate winter more than anyone. I hate doing winter sports, I hate wearing the same jacket and scarf combo everyday because seriously, who has the bank to have multiple winter outfits? I hate not having a tan and not being able to enjoy smoking many cigarettes on a patio while non smokers gawk at how talented my lungs are. Regardless, we are in the home stretch, so just put the gun away and think thoughts of drinking in parks, playing leisure sports and becoming as tanned as possible.
Lately I’ve been doing a lot of back work, meaning I’m going over all my work, figuring out the next steps and checking in with who I am at the moment. Checking in with yourself is an important thing to do and I’ve learned that over and over again in the last year. At this stage when everyone is functioning at an all time high (Jack Nicholson 1980’s high) in everything they do it’s easy to get swept up in something, before you know it you’ve got yourself into a situation that impulse seemed to have taken the wheel on. I write a lot about everything that goes on in my head; I call it downloading. Sometimes I write about what my future might look like, what I want to have and what I want to be doing. Sometimes I don’t write and just sit in my bed and eat toast but that’s OK too. I like to write about what I want in my next relationship, want I want for myself and what steps do I have take to attract it. I’m pretty sure the majority of us don’t ask ourselves these questions often but it’s so good to create a constant sounding board for yourself, kinda like a funky homemade road map. The best part about writing your thoughts out is there are no limits to what you can write about. I remember reading over one of my journals and realizing I had a complete plan on how to make a name for myself. The funny part was that this year I had unintentionally done a lot of the steps, leaving out the step where I was supposed to sneak into a TIFF after party and stock Channing Tatum…what? at least I thought it was a possibility at the time “thought” being the operative word.
I still have a long way to go but I’m in this really great time right now where I can develop the skills I need to get to the next set of goals. These goals all include not having to do my laundry in the sink, budgeting magnums of cheap wine, and paying my rent on the first of the month. Its been a struggle to not doubt myself. Ive had my moments where I think I’m doing it all wrong. I do know however that fucking up is OK to do at this stage. I’m almost 27 and I know I have a long road of fuck ups and high fives ahead of me. I keep doing the little things and big things that move me forward to where I want to end up. I haven’t got a clear picture of where that might be but if I keep expanding on the work I’m doing now Ill be one happy lady.
The past couple weekends Ive spent running around the city with old friends and new friends filling my brain with the wonders of tipsy mingling. I really do love going out and meeting new people, I like hearing about peoples walk of life and I like being able to go to different bars and venues in this little big city we live in. I also got news that the Target campaign I worked on has been released and its plastered all over streetcars around Toronto…so that’s pretty neat. I feel so grateful after having work be displayed like that, I know I worked hard to attract that opportunity and its just a nice reminder that I am getting better the longer I work at this Styling career, this creative profession that is leading into something bigger.
The one thing that stands out is myself, I know that sounds kinda egotistical but hear me out. I’ve only been on my own, actually on my own for a little over a year now and it’s a constant reminder of how someone can really learn to fit into the person they are supposed to be. Being alone has taught me what I really value in my life, the people that are worth my values and the work that is right for me even if its fucking terrifying. No one is ever ready for the path they unintentionally walk down, it’s being able to go with the flow and trust that the efforts and choices you make are all going toward a life you want. I learned that you can’t be secretive about it, you can’t be ashamed or doubt yourself about it because what if it works out? What if you get that career, that position that you only dreamed about in the wee hours of the morning.
We are all scared of what we are capable of because honestly my loves we are capable of everything. That’s the fear, that we might just get everything we want with a lot of risk and a lot of hard work. Don’t listen to those who have given up on such “silly” thoughts, don’t get hesitant because you are swimming in a different pond, it’s your pond and I assure you, you’re supposed to be there.
Thats all from me this week, I hope you are all just as egar to get naked in the sun as I am!