Getting off the guilt train

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I’ve been stressing hard about my career lately, it’s not a bad thing but when you make your own path it can be REALLY hard to gage whether you’re doing all you can or not. Is it ok to let things unfold and not have a heart attack over your empty email box? I have a habit of thinking being under stress is a sign your working hard…is it? I’m only still an assistant and that’s amazing but sometimes I guilt myself into thinking I’m not good enough, especially when I screw up on something that now seems so obvious. But that’s just it, when you start out on something your not going to be the best, you have this drive to keep humble because you’re going to fail..a lot.
Then you get those times where you amaze yourself, you do an amazing job and everyone is happy and you fall down at home in a half crazed laugh. I’ve had these times happen quite close to each other and my one mistake was I didn’t hold on to the momentum of the accomplishment, lost focus and decided I knew what I was doing..
HA!
Big idiot for the win!
I was promptly put in my place by life, if it was a real life scenario I’d have my head in a toilet being held down by 8th grade behemoth I called wide load. It’s humbling, really really humbling and you know I’m happy it happened and I had the awareness to smarten up. This is an amazing career path filled with amazingly inspiring people who have had the heart to teach me, and yea I’m a rookie and so I should know that.
I’m ready again to hit the ground running, knowing a whole lot more, but all this takes time. In the mean time I’ve been updating my portfolio, setting up creatives, reading, and writing. Kate and I are happy happy in our new apartment, to be honest we’ve been having too much fun.
The last week we’ve been writing new material for an upcoming project for our comedy duo Cashmo, it feels soo good to get back to comedy. We went through all our old note books and found some insanely good stuff…we are going to hell but hey at least we get to make people laugh.
Here are some moments that happened this past week:
On Friday Kate came home from The Drake Hotel after consuming two bottles of red wine at dinner with a friend of hers, she then joined me in a bottle before we were supposed to go dancing. My dear friends DJ a dance night at Supermarket in Kensington and so I watched as Kate tried to put heels on and drink wine at the same time. I laughed and said they wouldn’t let her into the bar if she couldn’t walk, she then b lined it to her bed and yelled “I JUST NEED WATER” and then starfished halfway onto her bed with her feet sticking out. I went out and danced the night away with friends and returned home riding on the back of a boys bike. When I entered our apartment I found dear Kmo in the exact same position I left her in…I checked for breathing and got one heel off before starfishing in my own bed.
Yesterday we went to Bellwood’s park and wrote a new song called “Date Night” which is all about being incredibly awkward on a date but thinking you’re owning it…story of my life. We sipped beers and thought of the worst possible things either we’ve done or are bound to happen. After that we met some friends before heading down to my dads boat for happy hour. I started to feel anxious, guilty that this is how I spend my week. Kmo had a good point though, why not? Why can’t it be this good? Why can’t we put our efforts and talents into what we WANT to do…she’s right. I’m so used to the struggle that it’s strange to me when life is giving me what I need. So after that we walked up Bathurst to our humble neighbourhood and ended the night making epic grilled cheese.

Life’s funny guys, just keep doing what you love to do and make a living out of it. I hear that a lot from successful people, they have failed, they have struggled but they never gave up. They worked hard at whatever they loved to do and didn’t take it for granted, I think that’s success…maybe.

And now I’m off to meet Kmo to create some opportunities and make jokes about poo…

Happy Wednesday Lovelies

Tunes
Lo-Fang – #88
Grouplove – Ways to Go
1975 – She Way Out
Marcus Foster – Love in the Way

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