Fall is here, it’s getting colder and my new duvet is getting harder and harder to leave every morning. The pumpkin spice lattes are filling in every woman’s efforts of the Victoria Secret body from the summer, couples are making me want to vomit and I’m finding myself wondering what the fuck happened to my soft side.
I’d probably feel better about it if I had the bank account to back me up, instead of a recycling bin full of take out boxes and magnum Sola and Nero wine bottles. You’d think I was trying to drown out something but honestly for the first time in ten years I’m quite content with my overtly single mindset. I used to rack my brain around how to be the perfect girl for a man, it was all about them, their lives, their hobbies and their dreams. I wanted to dress for them, laugh for them, bat my newt eyes in the perfect way and all it left me with was an insane insecurity problem and a box of tissues next to a text message battle that left me feeling like a loser.
Now I spend my weeks chasing my dreams while looking like a bag lady running across queen west with my suit cases in ten dollar pants and value village heels. Day after day my bullshit meter becomes more heightened and I’m starting to have a very low tolerance for people I don’t like and an even lower tolerance for people that don’t like me. I don’t need to impress people, I don’t need to chase people and I certainly don’t need to put up with it. I think we all spend a lot of time trying to impress people that realistically are not our types and I’m not talking about just men, I’m talking about the whole human race of assholes and bitches. There is absolutely no point in trying to be something you’re not and there’s no point in trying to hide who you are. It’s a ticking time bomb, it’s like trying to mask the fact you took a huge dump with perfume and a curtesy flush…you’re shits still gonna stink.
On weekends I indulge myself in the glorious company of my closest girlfriends, dance until 2 am with my guy friends and end the nights entertaining the idea of either calling someone or eating a sandwich…lately the sandwich is winning. I’ve given up the chase of a relationship, it’s not something my brain can hold down long enough, but maybe it’s just the fact that I could care less. If a man wants to spend time with me than I’d rather act like my clumsy, idiotic, and loud self. If they like me great, if not than great because at least I’m not having a battle in my head of why he won’t call and why I said I liked organized sports.
I’m working on my career, I’m writing like a mad woman and I’m trying to figure out how to get myself out of 3 dollar heels and into some Jimmy Choo’s that are not made in china town. I’m working on my big break and the scary part is that I have no idea where it’s going to come from and what form it’ll be in. The one thing I keep telling my over reactive brain is to just keep doing what I love, do it well and be confident that it’s ok to have a weekly addiction to late night Pad Thai binges. There’s nothing sexier then a woman who has a themed day called fat fuck Sunday and does what she wants…right?
The photos above are of my recent shoot with Jane & Jane Photography and I am obviously to the moon about them. I used two designers jewelry pieces for this shoot, the talented Seema Patel and Sonia Kang both whom I strongly suggest you check out. Also my lovely Erin Heather was holdin down the make up and hair, I mean ladies is this not the hottest “caught in the rain hair” you’ve ever seen? I look like a drowned rat on stilts…
Well my lovelies I’m off to dabble in the sunshine of Queen west and Kensington Market and no I’m not going to buy knock off Jimmy’s…ill patiently wait for the real deal, life’s just better when you let it unfold the way it’s supposed to.