When I started styling I was nervous, curious, terrified, and excited before every shoot. That hasn’t changed much to where I am now, I still get goosebumps and have consecutive small heart attacks every time I go to a shoot. I love once I’m in the groove and the photographers have gotten to work, it’s the time where the panic stops and I genuinely feel like I’m on the best drugs in the world.
When I don’t work I feel lost, I get anxious like a kid waiting to get on a ride at the fair. This week has been one where everything has gotten cancelled (no thanks to the epic flood Toronto had) and by Tuesday night I was convinced I was going bat shit crazy. All I could think about yesterday was my next job, where is it and when is it going to happen?
It’s a odd withdrawal, an emotional one that I’m still trying to process, the idea of being unemployed after every job is a crazy concept. It’s reality and to be honest I’m ok with the chaos right now, I always feel like summer should be chaotic, fun, but I never like my feet to stop moving for too long. I know that these times will happen, I can’t force it so I just have to create work for myself so that I am still doing my art.
I realized that little bit of learning after getting day drunk with Kate and my newly home bestie Sarah. The power had been blowing out all morning because of the mega flood Toronto had, it felt like Armageddon, well not really I’m being dramatic, but it was eerie. Everything along Queen West (including my place) was blacked out except…
The Wine Rack! They were only taking cash and were writing receipts by hand, such brave wonderful people, in a time of panic and fisher man overalls. Kate bought a magnum, if you don’t know what that is then I assume your one of those people who have a glass of wine and stop.
We are not those people…
So the three of us sat around in my living room drinking wine and talking about everything and anything, chain smoking and forgetting that it was a Tuesday. I don’t normally day drink, I feel like a…well a drunk.
Kate eventually went off to her class, best student ever, and Sarah and I went to find ice cream. We sat at Soho and Queen, people watched and commented on the lack of male eye candy. There’s something humbling about being drunk at 4pm trying to eat an ice cream cone in public, I also believe that every once in awhile it’s ok to go against the grain and act silly.
Ok enough about my view on artistic withdrawal, the above photos are from a shoot I did with Jane & Jane Photography. The model is the beautiful Michie from Next who blew me away with her natural talent. The clothing was mainly vintage pieces that were from my own stock wardrobe and my wonderful boss Marie Eve’s closet. I wanted to do a sixties vibe mixed with contemporary style, I got exactly what I wanted and this is by far one of my favourite shoots. It was one that made me see how much I’ve progressed in my work, it’s starting to become natural to me and I’m beginning to have a process. I can see myself getting better and that’s amazing because this is just another sign that I really am doing what I love, it makes my heart beat, it makes me want to live a life bigger then I ever could imagine.
It makes me happy writing this blog knowing that ill be able to look back on all these posts and see all the progression, all the rants, all the struggle, and laugh. Ill probably always laugh at myself because I’m usually a mess, but I know ill be successful in my art, ill be making a good living and creating beauty which truly makes me happy. This is the learning part, the part you constantly question yourself, the part that tests your passion everyday because let’s face it, it’s easier to just get a desk job.
I just shuddered at the thought of a desk job, seriously I told someone the other day that office buildings freak me out, I’d go nuts in a cubical. The only thing that I would accomplish in an office building is photocopying my butt and stealing office supplies.
Anyway we got this story published on Juried – The Jury which is a tumblr feed dedicated to art and photography, you can join their RSS feed or follow them on tumblr.
Thanks for reading about my little adventure towards artistic success, I really REALLY appreciate seeing my stats and knowing that people are reading and actually liking my writing…it’s kinda crazy.
Happy Thursday Lovelies
Here are some tunes for ya!