Happily Terrified

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Last week felt like a month, you know those weeks that have a million things coming at you day after day…well that was my week. I’m not saying it was a bad week, it actually was an amazing one but it was insanely challenging and emotionally exhausting. Since I’ve been back from my road trip life’s had me on a high speed treadmill. I styled a short film, worked at a vintage shop for cash, shot a creative with a new photographer and make up artist, hung out with a dear new friend, and ended the week learning about vinyl, writing, and opening up honestly to people.
Today I am one tired lady and my to do list is sweeping my feet out from under me, I had to write last night for 3 hours before I started to feel my brain slow down. I let go a lot last week, evidently I gained a lot from it. Letting go is one of the hardest things I’ve learned this year but it has been the defining reason I move forward in my life, for myself. I feel like in your twenties you really get to define who you are and what it is you want in life, if your open and aware to life’s lessons.
It blows my mind how aware of myself I am then I was even 8 months ago. Life moves fast and it’s too short to bother with carrying your past with you, except it, love it, and move on so that you have room to experience more.
Somedays I really do feel like a kid that just figured out how to get the cookies off the kitchen counter.
I started writing out all the things I want to accomplish in my little life, I want to make my life bigger then I ever could imagine. If your ever feeling like your future in a big blank I strongly suggest sitting down and writing out all the things you WANT to do, things that only you have dreamed about, things that seem impossible and completely ridiculous, write them all down.
These are some things I wrote out last night.
I want to travel to places I never thought I’d see
I want to have Sailor Parc Co. Mounted on the front of a building
I want to run a Styling firm that is known internationally
I want to be published in Vogue
I want to be able to support my mother and give her a happy free life
I want to own a loft in California
I want to do Styling and Buying for a television series
I want to do wardrobe for feature films
I want to work with the top creatives in my industry
I want to own a car in 2 years
I want to love again
I want to live my life with ease and honesty
I want to have great credit
I want to be successful from doing what I love to do
I want to have 100,000 dollars in my bank account in 2 years
I want to learn how to play the piano
I want to speak French fluently in 4 years
I want to have an apartment in Utrecht, Holland
I want to work in Paris
I want to be a stylist on a band tour
I want to live my life for myself

It felt amazing writing these out, and it was extremely terrifying coming to the decision to post them on this blog. I was talking about this yesterday how I sometimes don’t know if I’m sharing too much on this blog or if it’s all just for a reason bigger then myself. I want this blog to show people that everyone gets scared, fucks up, gets lost, and dreams. I’ve learned that no one else can direct your life, no one else can know you as well as you know yourself, so listen to that inner voice, because guess what…
It’s you, it’s the true you trying to tell you what you really want in life, you just have to listen.

I’m off to take care of a million loads of laundry as I’m
A) not wearing any underwear
B) I’ve been sleeping under a thin sheet because my friend Kate decided to pass out with full face paint at the festival…looks like a clown had sex on my duvet.
C) my white knock off keds are a nuclear hazard, I had to wash my feet on a date in his bathtub…

Happy Tuesday Lovelies

Here are some tunes that make me happy

Ben Howard – Only Love
Gregory Alan Isakov – Salt and the Sea
Adele – I can’t make you love me (Bonnie Ray Cover)
The Oh Hellos – Hello my Heart
John Mayer – Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

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