I’ve been fiddling with the idea of posting my outlook on love, it’s a touchy subject in my life lately and I wasn’t sure if I had the best things to say about it, but I thought hard and I actually do.
Love can only happen when you let it in, I don’t mean replying with “I love you too”, I mean accepting it for all it means. That goes both ways, I used to use “I love you” all the time for any reason, there’s nothing wrong with that however it lost its meaning after awhile to a point where I would say it just to hear it come back to me, like hello and goodbye. It would fly out the door with me, be spoken in mumbles on a quick Skype chat, or scribbled at the end of a note, and now that that phrase has started to become scarce in my vocabulary I am beginning to think maybe I should have rationed it a little more.
This got me thinking about the real meaning behind the big L word, I honestly don’t think I understood the magnitude of the phrase, but I defiantly had the feelings behind it when I first started saying it to someone. Then you grow up, you learn some more, you get hurt, you hurt someone, and you begin to see patterns with yourself. I know at this point in my life I’m seeing that the one person I barely said or felt those words to was myself…and that’s not right.
Loving oneself is not something that came naturally to me, loving someone else however is as natural as breathing. Obviously it takes a certain soul to bring that out of me but that’s how I’d love, entirely giving, reminding, uplifting, and unconditionally…but deep down I had conditions, I had love for myself that I was ignoring for the sake of the relationship. Now I’ve been loved by someone’s whole heart I know that, but sometimes time, space, and life take hold, so that loves changes. It doesn’t go away it just changes into another form and sometimes people throw that love away because of hurt, anger, pain…it’s silly because in the end you’re still loved and we try to ignore and push down that simple realization.
This valentines day maybe a lonely one for me but I have love, I know it’s out there and I know all the people that have it for me. Love is something I need time to figure out, I know at least for the next while ill be trying to figure that feeling out, but it’s nice to know I’ve felt it.
No regrets, just the ongoing lessons of life.
– Casey Jane
all pictures taken from http://www.pinterest.com