Last week was a snag, like when your running to catch a train and your skirt gets caught on something and stops you dead. By Thursday I had ripped the metaphorical skirt in half and was sent flying into said on coming train. Friday morning I felt heavy, I felt guilty that I let myself take a backseat and that dangerous little Casey took over the wheel. My mum constantly uses this analogy when I’m being a little too…reckless with myself, she says “Your letting little Casey take the wheel again, get her in the back seat”. I think reckless is a little strong of a word but the analogy is spot on, I think we are constantly at battle with ourselves as artists, as mid 20 year olds, and some days are easier to stay on track then others.
A lot of my friends are going through something right now, whether it be a new job, a break up, a huge life decision, or questioning their purpose in life. I think 2013 is a shift year where a lot of people are getting their lives turned upside down. We all seem to be running from something, hiding out in bars thinking maybe it won’t find us there, submersing ourselves in social delights until the morning comes and we all find that something staring us in the face.
Your not alone.
The only advice that I can muster up is listen to yourself, take a time out, sit in a park and just be with yourself. I’m bad at taking breaks from being around people, I’m still struggling with being alone, mainly because I don’t want to hear my current reality and I’m hoping it’ll just fix itself…worst thing to think. You only have yourself and your the only one who can change your minds avoidance of itself, take time to ask yourself the hard questions and don’t let that bastard fear get in the way. I’ve let fear control far too many years of my life, I learned the hard way of what happens when you allow fear to dictate where your life is going.
I had a huge awakening on Friday, life is hard work, never mind our jobs, relationships, just dealing with the inner you, the one no one hears. Don’t ever ignore yourself, remember that you are the one that drives you and if your fighting to ignore it then I’m sorry to say you will continue walking figure eights. If you don’t get to know yourself, from what I’ve learned, you’ll never have the capacity to really know anyone else, everything will seem at a distance until you break into your own wall.
I don’t know if my readers take away from all this ranting of mine but I do hope, at the very least, that you find something relatable, that was my main goal for this blog. I want to share my life, not just the pretty side, I always hated when people would come up to me and say “wow your life seems so amazing and exciting, I wish it was that easy for me” it’s NOT easy and with today’s social media we paint a pretty different picture of ourselves. I work really hard, I sacrificed and lost a lot, I still get down on myself and I definitely still fuck up. However that’s life and I never wanted to be a person that boasted about having it all together, I don’t and I never will because ill always be learning to be better then I was, am, and will be.
Also I wanted to share a huge moment for a best friend of mine Andrew Gooding, he had his thesis show last Thursday and is now trying to become freelance as an illustrator. I’m so proud of him, he had a lot of “forks in the road” during his degree but he always came back to the grind. You can find his website here www.idrewgood.com and below are two of his pieces from his thesis project.
Happy Sunday Lovelies
-Casey Jane
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